NCAA Football Championship Trash Talk (after NFL games)

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UPDATE: Allright Emptywheel lugnuts, here is yer update to the post I said would serve all huge games this expanded weekend. Not much has changed on my original discussion below, however, Oregon had a number 3 receiver, Darren Carrington, suspended because of a terminally stupid positive pot test.

Both teams are not at perfect strength, so disregard the injury/suspension factor. Ohio State stands a better shot than most may think. I still think the Sweatervests will not be able to put down the Duckies. Cause you just cannot put down the Duck. And I am, despite my betting losses on Oregon in previous years, going to stick with that.

I went 3 for 4 in predictions on the NFL, but suffered a painful loss when the Colts stomped the Broncos and now confirmed peg legged Capt. Manning. Oh well, my bad.

Enjoy our first playoff NCAA Championship game! In honor of that, I have sacked the two offending Packers love songs and inserted some Quack shit. Cause the Duckies will NOT be put down (please see the new video attached.)]
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The first game up is Baltimore at New England. The Ravens seem to be the trendy pick these days, and they certainly are capable of wandering into the Big Razor and knocking off the Pats. Flacco, Suggs and yadda, yadda, yadda. I don’t think so. The Pats are a touchdown favorite, and there is good reason for that. Brady and Gronk are rocking and have a hard nosed running game with Blount. Add in that the Ravens are not all that strong in the secondary and it spells success for the Pats. Throw in the shutdown ability of Darrelle Revis and Brandon Browner for the Pats in the secondary and there you go.

Second game is the late game Saturday, Carolina at Seattle. Love to see the Panthers pull off the massive upset so there might could be Conference title game at Lambeau, but that just is not happening. The Panthers are better than their record reflects, especially at this point in the season, but the Squawks are not the quarterback less Cardinals and this game is in Seattle.

Sunday early game is the game of the week. Naturally, the Cowboys at Packers, Ice Bowl II. ‘Boys won all their road games this year, Pack won all their home games. Lately Romo has been performing in a Rodgers like manner. Cowboys have the running game edge with Murray and Aaron Rodgers is got a gimpy calf. If this game was straight offense against offense, I’d have to take the ‘Boys. But defense wins playoff games, and on the Frozen Tundra, I trust the Packers’ defense more than that of Dallas. This is probably a net toss-up in my mind. Oddsmakers have Green Bay as a 5.5 point favorite. I don’t know about that, but I think they find a way to eek out the win.

Last game is Colts at Broncos. I was stunned that the Colts looked so good last weekend. They really did. But this game is not indoors in Indy, it is late afternoon/evening at Mile High. That is a whole nuther thing, Peyton has great numbers at home, and finally has Julius Thomas back and healthy. The two Thomases, Welker and Emmanuel Sanders are too much firepower for Indy to handle, and Von Miller will be bothering Andrew Luck. Toss in the vastly improved Denver running game with C.J. Anderson, and you can see why the Broncs are a touchdown favorite, and I think they will cover that.

The Cowboys are not there, but there is a big game at Jerryworld in Dallas. The first ever College Football Playoff Championship. Oregon, and I am still shocked by this, Ohio State. The Ducks just flat rolled Florida State, can OSU keep up with their high octane offense? I am tempted to say no, but Michigan State played Oregon awfully tough early in the year, so maybe. Cardale Jones is a load, and he can throw too. No way I am picking against the Quackers here, but if Ohio State plays like they did last week again, they can win. But Urban Meyer would be absolutely insufferable with a third national title, so he must be stopped, and I think the Ducks finally get their crystal trophy. If the Ducks lose, it may be because their receiving corps is depleted, both from injuries and from stupidity.

Okay, sorry about the music selections, but PHRED MADE ME DO IT! Actually, Phred wanted Let’s Go Lambeau by the Bodeans as the music. I did too, but it is not on You Tube. You can hear it at this link though, and it really rocks. If the Cheese get by the ‘Boys, maybe I will try to make a music video of it for next week.

2014 Wildcard Weekend NFL Trash Talk

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It is wildcard weekend and there are four awesome games on tap. Let’s get to them.

First up is the snake bit 11-5 Cardinals visiting the 7-8-1 Carolina Panthers. In a sane seeding system, this game would be in Phoenix as the Cards have 4 more wins than Carolina. This may actually occur with some playoff reforms the NFL is considering for next year. But this is Roger Goodell’s NFL and things are not necessarily sane. That said, the edge has to go to the Panthers. They have been on a late season roll and playing very good ball. Both Cam Newton on offense and Luke Kuechly on defense are just killing it. Newton is not running up big numbers at all, but he is managing the game and not hurting the team any longer. The Panthers allowed the second fewest points in the league over the last four games, and the Cardinals struggled to score points at all over that stretch. Ryan Lindley is back at QB for Arizona. He is not good, but certainly played a lot better in the regular season finale against the Niners. Hey, if Ohio State can wax Bama with a third string QB, maybe there is hope for Lindley and the Cardinals. But I don’t think so; Panthers are a six point favorite, and that sounds about right.

Next up is the late game today, Ravens at Steelers. Pittsburgh is hit hard by the loss of Le’Veon Bell, who was really balancing out the load for Roethlisberger. Everybody knows about the Ravens’ knack for getting on a playoff roll, so they are a scary team. But Big ben and the Stillers can do that too, and they are at home, where they are 3-0 against the Ravens in playoff games. I’ll take the Steelers again in a close one.

The early game Sunday is Cincinnati at the Colts. The Bengals haven’t won a playoff game since Ickey Woods and Boomer Esiason were leading them. And the Colts are at home and have Andrew Luck. Still, something has seemed off about the Colts down the stretch and the Bungles seemed to be getting their groove back a little…other than when they played the Steelers. I think the Bengals will get the job done in an upset.

The last game is maybe the best one, Detroit at Dallas. Somehow, the appeal reduced Ndamukong Suh’s penalty for stomping on the Most Valuable Player in the NFL to a fine, so he is not suspended for this game, which is huge for Detroit. The Lions will need Suh to keep DeMarco Murray from running wild. Murray proved last week that he can play with his injured thumb. Romo is on a serious roll, and playing the best QB of his career. Detroit also gets center Dominic Raiola back from a one game suspension too. Everything seems to be in the ‘Boys favor in this game, with the exception they are an average home team at best. Dallas is a 6.5 point favorite, and that sounds right. It will take a hell of a game out of the Kittehs to win this, and I just don’t see it.

Those are my picks, what you have to say??

[ew: WTF with Trash Talk with no music YouTubes? Added Lou Reed cause you gotta have something.]

Emptywheel’s Bowl Mania Trash Talk

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Wildcard weekend in the NFL is coming up soon! But, it is New Years Eve and we are well into the meat of NCAA Bowl Season. There are both traditional bowls to yammer about and the new fangled college Football Playoffs. A cornucopia if you will! ASU squeaked out a narrow win over Coach K and Duke in the Sun Bowl, thus salvaging at least a 10 win season and bowl win in what was once an incredibly promising season. Still not very satisfying. Our other major university here, University of Arizona, is in action in the Fiesta Bowl here in Cardinals’ stadium against Boise State this afternoon (should be starting soon on ESPN). I love Boise State, but this is almost a home game for the Cats, and they should prevail. TCu is on the teepee right now just freaking obliterating the ‘Ole Miss Rebels. Really ugly. Tonight, another SEC “powerhouse”, Mississippi State takes on the Ramblin Wreck from Georgia Tech in the Orangutang Bowl. I’ll take MSU, but it may be close. From here on out, I will be writing this in conjunction with Gaius Publius, still sailing high on this fine Irish win (he made me say that). For the Outback Bowl, Gaius says:

The head picks Auburn, the heart picks the Badgers. In the world of the heart, Wisconsin will run it down their throats.

Bmaz agrees, because, you know, cheese and Packers are Wisconsin staples. Booyah! For the Cotton Bowl, it is a matchup of Baylor versus the Spartys of Michigan State. Gauis says:

The head picks Baylor. The heart picks Baylor. Up yours, say the Bears, to the corrupt selection committee and its “process.”

The big games are, of course, tomorrow with the Championship semifinals in the Rose Bowl and Sugar Bowl. Let’s start out with the first game out of the gate, the Grandaddy Of Them All, the Rose Bowl. The Oregon State Quackers versus the Rapists er, Seminoles, of Florida State. Bmaz is gonna take the Ducks, because, well, they are the proper Pac-12 thing to do and I also think they are a better team. Florida State is overrated. Gaius says:

Ducks-with-talons (did you see those helmets and uniforms?) makes no sense. FSU, despite their peccadilloes (yes, in the world of sports, rape is a one of the peccas), will leave it on the field; also the Ducks; also their feathers, pointed and sharp though they be. That’s the head. The heart? Hey, I’m just upriver from them, and Jameis Winston needs a bring-down, a comeuppance. Time for Winston to trip up on the field.

Next up is the Sugar Bowl with Ohio State and Alabama. How many times are the college football powers that be going to put the Buckeyes in these huge games to to get embarrassed for having done so? Just stop. For starters, OSU should not be in the Championship series to start with, both TCU and Baylor, or either one of them, would have been a FAR more deserving choice. And, next year, we can all blarney on about the raging mediocrity of the team in Ann Arbaugh. This year, the fail is from the home of the Horseshoe, not the Big House.

Gaius says:

It’s troubling to pick with the corrupt selection committee and its “process” — the one that favors the big-money “Big Five” conferences. But pick we must. The head says Alabama and its own corrupt process — the one where they sign 200 recruits, then toss out the worst 175 of them after they enroll in “school” — will take the game. But the heart says, please god, may the Bamans fall far. I’m not picking against the most corrupt — clearly the selectors are that — but the heart chooses the lesser evil, at least this time. tOSU in a heartbeat.

There you have it kids. It is bowl season, look alive! We will be back with a Wildcard Weekend NFL post (assuming I do not get too sloshed for the New Years. Music this week by the original Chicago Transit Authority with a live version of Make Me Smile. Holy shit was Terry Kath great. Rock and roll em.

End of the NFL Regular Road and Start of Bowl Season Coach Lombardi Trash Talk

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Here we are at the cusp of the end of the regular season line for the NFL and official start of the college football bowl season. Man, things are not what they used to be. As I write this, I am watching the Fiesta Bowl Parade on local TV. It looks fucking pathetic. This used to be a parade that hundred’s of thousands of people came out for. Now it looks like a podunk town homecoming parade. Right this second, there is some mope on a bicycle towing a freaking monkey in a little red wagon. I need to start drinking stat! Maybe with the Tequila Gun!

Okay, so the ASU Sun Devils are playing the Blue Devils of Duke in the otherwise long ago relevant, but now piddling, Sun Bowl, and that game is on CBS and just started. I’ll take the Devils! Boston College versus Penn State, the Nittany Lions fresh off of truncated probation, in the Pinstripe Bowl from Yankee Stadium on ESPN may be a decent toss up. As may be the Cornfuskers versus Trojans in the Holiday Bowl tonight, also on ESPN. There are other bowls starting up on Monday, and there may or may not be Nuevo Trash between now and next Tuesday or Wednesday, so make this yer Bowl Trash Talk home thread until you see another one!

So being done with the Joes, let’s move to the Pro’s. Really, is there any doubt but that the biggest game of the NFL regular season comes down to bmaz and Phred’s beloved Packers versus teh Evil Kittehs of Ms. Wheel. Matt Stafford currently looks like a scruffy lumberjack that has eaten more hotdogs than Joey Chestnut on July 4th on Coney Island. Which should make pulling away from rookie center Travis Swanson, who will be taking his live first snaps ever in the critical game on the Frozen Tundra™. That would because the 12 year starting center of the Lions, Dominic Raiola, who was suspended for going all Suh on a Chicago Bear last game. Unless Aaron Rodgers gets cheap shotted by the Dirty Felines, expect the Packers to continue the Lions losing streak at Lambeau to 24 years in a row.

There are really only three other true games of interest in the league Sunday. First, Bengals at Steelers, where my bet is Big Ben once again denies Marvin Lewis and Andy Dalton the big game win they so covet. Second, the Panthers are at the Falcons for the NFC south Championship and a losing record berth in the playoffs. Not just a losing record berth, but a home field game to boot. The NFL really needs to rethink their seeding priorities. The Cardinals will almost certainly be the wild card opponent for the victor of this game, and Ariaona will have won many more games going in, and against far better competition.

Lastly, the combo of the Cardinals versus Niners in San Francisco and Rams at Squawks still counts. Were the Rams to pull the road upset over Seattle and the Cards to pull a road upset over the Niners (the Cards still have Ryan Lindley at QB, so a win would be a HUGE upset), the Cards would still win the NFC West and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Of course, neither upset will come even remotely close to happening. Yes, I know Marcy and Rosalind say I am a whiner and bellyacher on these points, but I have not been wrong about them yet. Most unfortunately. I’d love to change this world and have had Carson Palmer for the whole season so that it was a fair fight for the Cardinals in the NFC West, but that was not to be the case. It is what it is.

Music today by Ten Years After who also wanted to change the world. Eat well, drink responsibly and let it rip!

Week 15 NFL Trash Talk: The Coming of Johnny Football

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Late start on Trash this week as I was otherwise occupied and, well, with little college football, there was little action on Saturday. Navy beat Army for the 13th time in a row and Oregon’s Marcus Mariotta won the Heisman, as was expected.

But Sunday is another matter, as the NFL is really heating up. The Cardinals won a tough defensive slugfest in St. Louis against the Rams, but suffered yet another crushing injury as QB Drew Stanton suffered a sprained MCL and ACL. No one knows when, or even if, he can return. There is a big push to get Kurt Warner to come out of retirement to save the day. I, of course, am lobbying for the ‘Ole Geezer Gunslinger himself, Brett Favre. Good times.

I think the Steelers at Falcons may be a great game. Atlanta’s record sucks, but they are very much in the playoff hunt in the woeful NFC south. And they seem to be getting their groove back. The Steelers have been hot or cold lately, better stay hot or the Falcons will take them. The Pack is in Buffalo. If there is one team that won’t be freaked by cold and snow in the outdoors of Orchard Park, it is Green Bay. They are used to it. Patriots should take care of the Dolphins at Foxborough.

Broncos at Chargers is a critical game. Of course you have to pick the Donkos, and Las Vegas is. But the Chargers will be tough. The Vikings have been gelling of late and, were this game in Minnesota, I might be tempted to go with an upset over Detroit. In Detroit, however, have to ride with the Kittehs. Can the Niners get back on the winning track against the Squawks in Seattle? Nope. Cowboys at Eagles for SNF is arguably the game of the week. I rate it as a tossup, but think the eagles may wear out the Boys if Sanchez can play decent.

Now, I said Cowboys/Iggles was “arguably” the game of the week, and any other week it might be. But not this week. Oh no, this week THE game of the week is absolutely the Bengals at the Brownies. And the starting debut of one Mr. Football. Cleveland should have gone to Manziel last week. Brian Hoyer was just pitiful, and the Brown still only lost to the Colts by one point. There is no way Manziel would not have been better. But with the loss to the Colts, Cleveland is gasping, but still technically alive in the playoff hunt. America will be watching. And in a weird scheduling deal, a LOT of America will be watching because FOX, which normally runs NFC games, is broadcasting this strictly AFC matchup. Go Johnny Go, Johnny be good!

Christmas music by Dave Edmunds.

Coffin Corner Trash Talk

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Okay, I tried to get folks interested in the criminal docket report yesterday, to sadly little avail. Oh well, so be it. Let us dive headfirst into trash then.

First up is the Pac-12 Championship game between the Oregon Quackers and the Cats from Arizona, played in the Big Blue Jeans in Not Frisco (yes, I am trying to piss off those NoCal locals who HATE the term Frisco). Halfway through the third quarter and the Quack Attack is just rolling Rich Rod and the Sad Cats. Ouch. All I can say is, yo, enjoy it Cats, unlike ASU, this is as close to the Rose Bowl as you are gonna get. I rooted for you for one night, and look what happened! Bygones baybee!

That was last night, today brings us conference championship games like Ohio State and Wisconsin, Kansas State and Baylor, Alabama and Missouri, and Florida State versus Georgia Tech. I’ll take, respectively, Wisconsin, Baylor, Crimson Tide and Tech in a wild upset. In some NCAA criminal docket new, Jameis Winston is one of the most reprehensible pieces of human trash I have seen in years. He refused to testify in his disciplinary hearing, but cravenly filed an unnecessarily graphic and lewd belligerent letter and then released it to the press. Then, not satisfied with what he has already done, Winston is mentally raping his victim once again. Winston and his lawyers now are threatening to intentionally try to separate the victim from her lawyers by suing the lawyers for defamation. This won’t work, but will eat up time and money for the victim trying to fend it off. It is one of the most assholish things I have seen from an attorney in some time; Winston is one nasty piece of work. Unbelievable.

In the pros, There are a morgue full of games that may put the losers in coffins. This is similar to a guillotine day. The Steelers play the Bengals twice in the last four weeks, starting in Cinci this weekend. They probably need to win both if they want to win the division. Unfortunately, I don’t think they get it done. The Browns, like the Steelers, have a 7-5 record and can’t lose many more games and still hope to make the playoffs. Don’t think they get it done at home against the Colts either. Colts are not flashy, but Luck has them on a roll. The Ravens and Fish play in Miami. Both of them are also 7-5, and the winner will be looking good and the loser not so much. That game is really a tossup, but I like the Fish at home.

The Chefs come to the desert to meet the suddenly reeling Cardinals. The Cards are very tough at home, and they desperately need a win after two losses in a row because they finish the schedule out agh the Rams, home for Seattle and away at Niners. There is an air of doom and gloom right now in Phoenix, with the fear that the Cards may no win another game and will not even make the playoffs despite the 9-1 start. There is good reason for that fear.

The best game of the week is Seattle at Philly. The Squawks have their groove back and the Iggles are now sitting, at 9-3, with the best record in the league (shared with Green Bay, AZ, NE and Denver). It is the age old battle of lockdown defense versus high flying offense. Mark Sanchez has been pretty good since replacing Nick Foles, but hasn’t faced anything like Seattle’s defense. I’ll take the Squawks for a key road win. The Pats have spent all week in San diego getting ready for their game with the Bolts. The Chargers close with Denver Niners and Chefs, with the last two on the road, so they could really use a win against Bill Bel, Brady and the boys. No idea why I have this crazy notion, but I think the Bolts will pull this one out.

The Pack are in Atlanta for Monday Night Football, and Denver is home against the Bill. Both should be fine, but that will about end Buffalo’s slim playoff hopes. Music this week from the Killers who are….simply killer.

Lake Effect Trash Talk

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Whoo boy, there is a bit of snow that shuffled in to Buffalo recently. So, with the Kittehs over in Foxborough taking on the steamrolling Pats, Buffalo will be the “home team” in Detroit for their game against the Jets. And tickets will be free, which is a cool thing for fans in Motown. The Jets just stink and Buffalo ought be a little jacked up, so I’m taking the Wagon Circlers. But what about the Kittehs? The Bill Bel and Brady brigade are just flat out rolling and just signed a new/old battering ram, er running back, LeGarrette Blount to solidify their running game. The Lions might be slipping back into the penalty prone ways. Hard not to take the Pats here.

Other than Pats and Lions, the other truly big game is the Cards up at the Seasquawks. The Squawks are favored pretty heavily. The national press, especially all the chatterers on ESPN, seem fixated on the Cards being in trouble because Carson Palmer is done for the year and backup Drew Stanton is in charge at QB. But I don’t think that is the worry, Stanton is competent, and the Cards were not exactly flashy even with Palmer. I think the problem is the running game, or actually lack thereof. The Cards get a little bit out of Andre Ellington, but really just don’t have much of a ground game. I think against a still tough Seattle defense, in that noisy stadium, that will doom the Cards. The Dolphins at Broncos and Ravens at Saints will also have big implications for all four teams and their playoff chances.

It is really a weak schedule in the college ranks this week. Arguably the two best games are in the Pac-12. First up is Rich Rod and the Arizona Wildcats in Utah to face the Utes.As I said earlier in the year when ASU played Utah, the Utes are good, and especially so at home in Rice Stadium. Lot of people picking Utah, but I think the Cats will pull out a narrow win. The other Pac-12 tilt of note is the yearly grudge match between USC and UCLA. The Bruins are favored at “home” in the Rose Bowl, but home field doesn’t mean much with these two. Both Brett Hundley and Cody Kessler are having great seasons at QB. I think it is a tossup, maybe slight edge to the Trojans. The SEC seems to all be playing Eastern Podunk State this week, so who cares about them? Special shoutout for Scribe on the Lehigh and Lafayette game being played in Yankee Stadium. I rate it a tossup, because who knows what can happen when these two get together! Seriously though, this is the 150th meeting in this ancient rivalry, and the NYT has a great story about the history.

Really, that is about it for excitement. There are only the two top shelf games in the NFL, but they should be good ones. The announcement of a no-bill, the opposite of an indictment for you non-criminal lawyers, is likely to be announced from the St. Louis County prosecutor’s office on Sunday, or so it seems to be shaping up to my eye. Officer Darren Wilson will skate for the homicide of Michael Brown, and all because prosecutor Bob McCulloch designed and ran a ridiculously out of the ordinary and craven grand jury designed to insure there was no indictment. Wilson figuratively chased a boy through the park and put a bullet in his heart. So today’s music is an absolutely kick ass version of Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker) by the Stones from 1972. Rock on.

Update from emptywheel. Scribe actually wrote a great piece on the Lehigh/Lafayette game so I’m making an executive decision to share it with you all.

This is the weekend someone in the marketing department decided would be called “Rivalry Weekend”. And, so it is. Even though BMAz says it’s a lame weekend for college football, he’s wrong again. Many of the greatest rivalries in the college game get played today. But there is one rivalry which stands apart from the others. Today, Lafayette College and Lehigh University will play football against each other for the 150th time. That is more than any other pair of teams have played each other, anywhere, ever. This year The Game will take place at a neutral site. Yankee Stadium.

These are two smallish Eastern colleges with campuses about a dozen miles apart in two of the small, now post-industrial, cities of Pennsylvania. The schools are justly proud of their academics and the distinction of their graduates. You can look them up, but they routinely wind up near the top of the “highly competitive” categories.

Lehigh is a full-blown university awarding all sorts of degrees through the doctorate, but it came up as a school of engineering and the hard sciences. It was founded in the 19th century by the man in charge of the Lehigh Valley Railroad and located literally up the hill – Bethlehem’s South Mountain – from the main works and offices of the Bethlehem Steel Company. For generations there were many young men who, upon graduation, would go down the hill and into the offices of The Steel, to retire from there 40 or so years later. For the longest time, Lehigh’s teams were “the Engineers”. But, in recent years either they had an attack of the marketing department or a crisis of confidence and they wound up renaming themselves the “Mountain Hawks”.

Lafayette is an all-undergraduate college sited on College Hill, a bluff overlooking the city of Easton and the confluence of the Lehigh and Delaware rivers. Its professors actually teach students in classes. It was founded in the first part of the 19th century. Its graduates have been more catholic in their fields of accomplishment, though business and Wall Street are strongly represented. Since time out of mind, its teams have been called the “Leopards”. In the days before the No Fun League, college football was the game and Lafayette was a national powerhouse as well as innovators. They were consensus national champions in 1896, 1921 and 1926. That’s right. Three-time national champions. In those old days, responding to the team from the University of Pennsylvania stealing their signals, Lafayette’s team invented the huddle. And, after tiring of getting banged around, one of Lafayette’s players invented the old leather football helmet. And in the late 40s when Texas’ Jim Crow would have stopped their star running back, a former Tuskegee Airman, from playing, Lafayette told the Sun Bowl to keep their bowl bid.

The rivalry between these two colleges is and always has been intense even as they’ve gone from I-A to I-AA in football, I-A in other sports. If you haven’t experienced it from the inside it’s quite hard to describe. It extends from football through all other sports and into the work and social worlds. That whole “Roll Tide -War Eagle” bit has nothing on this. For many years, the intensity of the rivalry required The Game to be played twice – home and home – every year. Thus, today is the 150th time The Game has been played even though they only started playing in 1884. The energy behind the rivalry played out in stunts – can you build an egg launcher that can be smuggled into the game and will reach to the other side of the stadium? – violence – both were all-male schools until about 1970 and all that energy went into … something – vandalism – once, some Lehigh students put their welding skills to work and removed the balls from a larger-than-life bronze of General Lafayette. (After that and some very professionally done repairs, all outdoor statuary was boxed over for most of November. Students often repainted the boxes to look like outhouses.)

Two schools where football players play more for the love of the game than anything else. Both schools are antipathetic toward athletic scholarships and there are no academic shortcuts. Hardly any of the players ever gets a look from the No Fun League, so today is the end of football for most of the seniors. Each school has long traditions, alumni who deeply love them and many reasons to be proud. Today is one more. For me, Yankee Stadium is too far to travel, but I might be going to a sports bar where The Game will be on CBS Sports Network.

Raise a glass. This is what college football should be.

Kitties Eat Cardinals and Leave the Guts as a Gift on the Doorstep!!!!

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This is a stub for what will at some point become bmaz’ Trash Talk for a week in which our normally hapless teams face each other when it matters. Let’s see if he notices…


“Don’t you play it no mo.”


Huh. Still hasn’t figured out.

This Cash is for bmaz who’s really more of a Chevy guy than I am.


Post is gonna get long.


Mixing it up cause I apparently have all day.

And now, Burt Ives!! (But don’t swallow any cats.)

Oops. That’s not nice emptywheel!!


At Peterr’s suggestion I’ve swapped out the Itsy Bitsy Spider.

Adding Muschamp Love in honor of Jim White. May the Replacement Coach Sweepstakes begin in earnest!

I will count the ManningLemonSuckingFace after pick flowers. Bwahahahaha!

Madame Defargewheel’s Football Guillotine Trash Talk

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So, I heard on the radios today that the “sharps”, “insiders” and other “experts” were calling this weekend a “guillotine” because there were so many make or break games in both college and pros. Seasons on the chopping block and whatnot. I was doing about 85 with the sunroof open and did not quite catch who it was blathering this bunk, but it struck my fancy. What the hell, make it so, this is hereby now “Guillotine Week!” Hard to think about guillotines without good old Madame Defarge sitting there knitting. Knitting. Endlessly knitting. So, thus the title theme of Defarge and guillotines. Nothing but the most wholesome fare for our readers!

Okay, so we lead off this week with probably the most compelling game of the year, the Michigan Wolverweenies at the Northwestern Fighting Journalists. Hahahaha, just kidding. Nope, the game of the week is right here at Sun Devil Stadium where Notre Dame will be taking on the ASU Sun Devils. I will be rooting for the home team of course, but they have their work cut out for them. For starters, while ASU has had a decent team over the years, every time they have been on a big stage with real glory there for the taking, they get killed. Take last year’s Pac-12 Championship game against Stanford for instance. It is just a fact, the Devils don’t show up when the lights are the brightest.

So, will the pattern of big game disappointment hold again this afternoon? Both teams are 7-1, and they are ranked 9 and 10 in the polls currently. ASU’s loss was a blowout to UCLA, the Irish loss was a nail biter to Florida State. The Irish are two and a half point favorites. ASU’s defense is good, but will be missing their best defensive tackle, Jaxon Hood. They also have an annoying tendency of giving up big plays, and Everett Golson is one hell of a QB, both on the ground and in the air. The 2.5 spread on this game feels too small. Taylor Kelly, the Devils starting QB has just not been that good in the two games coming back from a month off with a foot injury. Honestly, Mike Bercovici, who filled in when Kelly was out, is a lot better passing quarterback, and ASU needs that vertical ability. Sad to say, but I think ASU is in for yet another big stage failure.

The other top shelf guillotine game in the college ranks is Ohio State at Michigan State. This game, like ASU and Notre Dame is a knockout round for consideration for the big playoff picture. A one loss B1G conference champ will likely get one of the four playoff bids, and one of these teams is going to be out of the race after this game. The Spartans just feel like a superior team to the Sweatervests, and are at home, so they look good here. The third chopping block matchup is Kansas State at the TCU Horned Frogs. Both teams have only one loss and they are ranked 6 and 7 in the country respectively. TCU really rolls up big scores, but they seem flaky for some reason. I am taking Kansas State in an upset. In other news, SEC studs ‘Ole Miss is playing some powerhouse known as the Presbyterian Blue Hose. Seriously, the Blue Hose?

In the pros, the Browns already laid an ass whuppin on the favored Bengals in Cinci. And the solid play of Brian Hoyer has started rumors that Cleveland will trade Johnny Football, maybe to the Cowboys (and we know Jerry Jones still pines for him). The first guillotine game is the 49ers at Saints. Both teams are 4-4. A loss hurts San Fran more than New Orleans because going to 4-5 would put the Niners in a huge hole in the NFC West, where the Saints would still be in competition in the woeful NFC South. I think the Saints roll at home i the dome. The Fish at the Lions has an air of importance about it too. Miami is quietly on a roll with their offense starting to be as solid as their defense. Detroit is at 6-2 and near the top of the NFC, but they are desperate to keep their lead on Green Bay, who is home at Lambeau against the Bears. The Chiefs at Bills is another game that seems to be a turning point for both teams. I think the Chiefs pull off the road win.

Also on tap is the Brazilian Grand Prix at Interlagos. Hamilton seems to have locked up the drivers crown, although Rosberg is still within range. Hard to see Nico pulling it off though, he just can’t get his early season momentum back. In other news, the arbitration hearing on Ray Rice was held over the course of two full days on Wednesday and Thursday. There is a gag order, ad therefore little hard information, but it does seem that Ozzie Newsome backed up Rice regarding Rice having been honest and fully disclosing to Goodell. Goodell was crossed by Jeff Kessler, who is very good, for over two hours. That must have been interesting.

Okay, there you have it. Music this week by the late great Warren Zevon.

Big Games and the End of the Hokey Pokey Era Trash Talk

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My my, there is a lot going on in the sporting world this weekend, so let’s take a look at some of the more interesting bits and pieces. First off there was some big news in Ann Arbor yesterday that pretty much answers the burning question from last weeks trash talk, namely who will scuttle their flailing football coach sooner, Michigan or Florida? The answer is in, and it is the Michigan Men! Michigan Athletic Director Dave Brandon has resigned effective immediately, and that will almost certainly spell the end of the Brady Hokey era for the Wolverweenies.

There are a couple of updates to items on the Docket Report. First, there was a hearing in EDVA on the appeal lawsuit of the Washington Redskins from the negative trademark decision in the administrative patent court system. The hearing was on a motion to dismiss and the early reports are the court was dubious about the dismissal effort and seemed inclined to retain jurisdiction. If so, that probably favors Dan Snyder and the Skins, because it will allow additional evidence to supplement the narrow and limited administrative record. It will be interesting to see what the decision is here. Secondly, the Ray Rice appeal hearing is set for next Wednesday, and the hearing officer, Judge Barbara Jones, has ordered Roger Goodell to testify. Some people are discussing a settlement, but I would be surprised. This could be fascinating seeing good attorneys cross-examine Goodell.

Then there are the games. The World Series is over, and congratulations to the San Francisco Giants who won a compelling series over the Kansas City Royals. The Cicago Cubs have hired Joe Maddon as their new manager after he quite suddenly up and left the Tampa Bay Rays. That is a great move for the Cubs, but the Cubbies are career killers for managers. RIP Joe Maddon. And the NBA season has started, so there is that. But we are really about football here, so let’s get to it, and there are a lot of big match ups on tap.

You would think that there is no way possible that the biggest game is not Peyton versus Brady and the Broncos at Patriots in the quarterback battle of the ages. Nope, that ain’t it. No, the biggest game this weekend is the Cardinals at Jerryworld to take on the Cowboys. The Cards, along with the aforementioned Broncos, have the best record in the NFL to date with only one loss on the season. The Cowboys were up there too before last week’s close loss to an inspired Redskins squad. This really shapes up as a great game. The Cowboys Demarco Murray has passed Jim Brown with eight straight games over 100 yards to open a season. But the Cards have perhaps the leagues best run defense. The Cowboys can be thrown on, and Carson Palmer has finally got Larry Fitzgerald untracked. Tony Romo is hurting and has not practiced all week. Oh, and by the way, the Honey Badger is back. All the factors point to the Cardinals having the edge. So I am picking the ‘Boys on the basis that they are home, and pissed about their performance against the Skins.

The other big game is of course Broncos at Patriots. Both Brady and Manning are playing lights out currently, and the Pats are on a bit of a roll. Any matchup between these two quarterbacks is an instant classic candidate, and this one is no different. I am going to assume ‘Ole Noodle Arm Manning and Brady cancel each other out. once you get past that, and even understanding Gronk is really rounding into the old Gronk, the Broncos simply have more and better weapons on offense. The Broncos also have a better defense, and they get the pick here. The only other really interesting game on the NFL schedule is Ravens at Steelers. Oddsmakers have it a draw right now, but I think Big Ben and the Stillers have found a groove and pull out the home win at the Big Catsup Bottle.

In college, the unquestioned game of the week is number 3 Auburn at number 4 ‘Ole Miss. After today, one of the teams will be done for the playoff discussion. The Rebels are favored by two at home, and that sounds about right to me. The other really good match ups are in the Pac-12, which has provided every bit as much excitement and compelling football this year as the SEC. Stanford is at Oregon, and the Trees have a history of manhandling the Ducks and giving them fits. Stanford is having an off year, but seemed to find an offensive groove last week. Still, I think the Quackers have the edge. Number 12 Arizona is at number 22 UCLA and I smell an upset here. Lastly, in a night game, number 17 Utah is at number 14 ASU. Utah is always superbly coached by Kyle Willingham and is consistently a better team than people give them credit for. But ASU has some momentum and, as long as they don’t get caught looking forward to next week’s tilt with Notre Dame, should take care of business in Sun Devil Stadium, though I expect a tight game.

Welp, that is it for this week. Rock on. This week’s music by Gerry Mulligan, Dave Brubeck, Doc Severinsen and the Cincinnati Pops with Duke Ellington’s classic “Take the A’Train”.