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Divisional Playoffs Weekend Trash Talk

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Last weekend was supposed to be the big great weekend of exciting and wacky wildcard playoff games. With the exception of the Cardinals Packers Roaster in the Toaster game, they were all duds. This Saturday and Sunday we have another full slate of games, let’s hope they are better games that last weekend; I think they will be. Let em roll!

First up is the winner of that last, great, shootout last Sunday the Arizona Cardinals versus Drew Fookin Brees and da Who Dats. Both Kurt Warner and Captain Creole are gunslingers of the highest order. Honestly, Warner has had a better run in the last few games; but that shouldn’t mean much in this game, they will both come to play. The game is going to boil down to Arizona’s offensive line and defensive backfield; if both come up big, they can and will win. If not, the Saints win. The Cards will suck and the Saints will Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez.

The late game Saturday is the Colts and Ravens. After all these years, it is still Ray Lewis versus Peyton Manning and both are among the very best who ever have or ever will play their position. The Ravens look pretty fierce lately and are the sexy pick among many to knock off the well rested Colts. Peyton Manning is going to score some points, you just know that. But without Bob Sanders on the Colts playoff roster, the Ravens should be able to get at least a little scoring done too. It is going to come down to Terrel Suggs getting at Peyton Manning. My heart wants the Ravens to win and take out the the lay down artists; my wallet will go with the dive artists formerly known as the Colts.

The early game Sunday is ‘Boys at Vikes. Tony Romo and the Old Man River Geezer. This game is totally dependent on the ability of the Vikings defense to match the intensity and performance of the Dallas D. If the Vikes come up big on D, they will win in the dome; if not, they won’t. The other factor is the Minnesota offensive line, which was great at the start of the year, but has really fallen off. As quick a release as Favre has, he needs time for the vertical passes they have been relying on lately. This one kills me, but I think the ‘Boys come out with the win.

Last game is the J E T S Jets Jets Jets at the Bolts. You have to take Phil Rivers over Mark Sanchez, and quite frankly the San Diego receivers are better too. LT has been resurgent and Sroules can cause havoc. The Jets defense is better than the Chargers defense by a wide margin though. Even if the Gang Green can keep it close, it just seems like Rivers and the boys can score enough to win. That is if the Jets can even keep it close. Plus RanDiego has been on a roll. Bolts win.

There is your lineup folks, time to work up a Number Six!

Wildcard Weekend Trash

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It is here. Yep Elvis Presley’s 75th birthday was yesterday, and that means we are all getting old. So, in honor of The King, lets all have Fools Gold sandwich, a pint or two of beer and watch some football.

Football you say? That’s right, Wildcard Weekend is here and that means some of the best pro football of the year is on tap. First up is the New York Football Jets Jets Jets versus the Lurking Bungles from WKRP in Cincinnati. The game will be in Cinci so, like last week, it will be cold. However, unlike the Meadowlands, Paul Brown Field has a heating system under it so the turf should be much better. That should benefit the Jets, who have the best running game in the league. But it should benefit the Bungles even more as it will allow their passing game to open up. Coupled with the return of Cedric Benson, this could be too much for the Jets, even with their ferocious defense and tough running game. Lots of people are picking the Jets; I dunno, Bengals look like a better bet to me.

Tonight we have the Iggles visiting Jerry Jones’ crib. I hear Jerry has a nice big screen. The ‘Boys have not won a playoff game since 1996. The Eagles have a history of winning early playoff games; in fact, Andy Reid has never lost one. Dallas seems strangely more stable and solid than they have in a long, long time. Romo is playing well, has found Miles Austin to make big plays downfield while still relying on Jason Whitman for the bread and butter. Marion Barber and Felix Jones are a complete running package. The Iggles have Donovan McNabb and Desean Jackson, if Jackson can manage to free himself up from the Cowboys secondary, which he had a problem with last week. This is pretty hard, but I will take the ‘Boys.

Sunday starts off with the Ravens at Pats. One thing we know is Wes Welker is out, and that really hurts Tom Brady’s underneath game and third down efficiency. However, Bill Bel is world famous for cultivating extremely smart adaptable players, and the thinking here is that Julian Edelman is one of those and don’t forget the Pats still have Kevin Faulk. With any running production at all, New England figures to beat the Ravens in the Big Razor.

The final game is really the most interesting and comes from the Big Toaster, which is exactly what the University of Phoenix stadium looks like from the air. The Cards host the Cheesers. Both teams have outstanding passing games with superb quarterbacks and big play receivers. Both teams have decent, but sometimes spotty running games. This game is going to be won or lost on defense. Green Bay was the best team in the NFC over the second half of the year, going 7-1 down the stretch, with the only loss via a Big Ben miracle on the last play of the game. The Packers killed the Cards right here last week, 33-7; but the Cards played base packages the entire game and Matt Leinart is no Kurt Warner. The real Cards will show up this time, problem is, you never fully know who the real Cards are. Also Anquan Boldin looks doubtful, though he usually is and yet manages to suit up and play. Certainly he is hobbled, and that hurts the Cards. That brings us back to the D. And the Pack has statistically the best D in the NFC, and with Boildin out, Charles Woodson can lock up on Spidey Fitzgerald. That spells a win for the Cheesers, but it will be a lot better game than last week.

BREAKING NEWS FOR MARCY: Peyton Manning has won his record fourth MVP award in a landslide, beating out Drew Fookin Brees, Phil Rivers and Brett Favre, in that order. The Peyton now has more MVPs than Brady does SuperBowls. No Giselle though.

Trash Talk: Swinging In The New Year

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Well, we made it through a painful decade and are into a new year, new decade and looking forward to the playoffs in the National Favre League. No Thursday Night game, no Monday Night game; they will all be swinging for the fences today. How about a little Big Bad Voodoo Daddy to get in the swing? Go on, you know you want to; you’ll love it. Okay, now off to the games we go!

No Drew Fookin Brees. The Aints ain’t gonna play Brees, Darren Sharper or tight end David Thomas in their meaningless season finale at Carolina. according to FoxSports. With Mark Brunell leading the offense for Nawlins, this game is a tossup. Colts owner Jim Irsay thinks tanking last week’s game against the Jets was “courageous”. Shockingly, I stand by what I said previously on this. Guess this means they will take another gutless unethical dive against Buffalo. This team is a disgrace.

Which begs the question what the Pats against the Texans in Houston and the Bungles against the Jets in New Yawk/Joisey will do. Jason Whitlock addresses this all nicely:

Oh, there will be a handful of AFC teams giving their all, making last-ditch attempts to secure one of two remaining playoff spots. The problem is, their opponent won’t care much about winning or losing. Or, in the case of the Pats and Bengals, the opponent might have incentive to lose.

“Cincinnati is probably going to go into New York and lay down for the Jets and not play them hard just because they’re not going to want to see Pittsburgh in (the playoffs),” Steelers linebacker LaMarr Woodley told the media on Wednesday. “No one wants to see Pittsburgh in it. That’s just how it is. Everybody knows we’re a dangerous team once we get into the playoffs, no matter how we played the whole year.”

It’s true. Pittsburgh can’t qualify for the playoffs if the Pats and Bengals both lose.

If you were Cincinnati or New England and had an opportunity to eliminate two-time Super Bowl winner and fourth-quarter assassin Ben Roethlisberger by keeping the playoff hopes of New York’s Mark Sanchez and Houston’s Matt Schaub alive, wouldn’t you lay down?

New England plays at Houston. Cincy plays at New York. The Pats and Bengals, winners of their divisions, have secured playoff spots, and there’s little difference between being a No. 3 or No. 4 seed. Bill Belichick and Marvin Lewis are expected to rest numerous starters on Sunday. Read more →

New Year’s Trash

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I am a bit under the weather tonight, got some gunk with the color and consistency of Andersen’s Split Pea Soup in my sinuses and chest. Bleech. My wife and polar bear are taking good care of me, I have a blankie, a nice fire and a big screen; so life is good. Young little Miss bmaz is over at some friends’ house at a wild party holding up the family legacy. And, never fear, I ain’t dead yet, I brought some Champagne and Reefer from my friends Mick and Buddy Guy.

Tonight we have the Chick-fil-A Bowl from down south in Dixie, Hot ‘Lanta, with Tennessee taking on Virginia Tech (shown on ESPN). The Vols have actually been better this year than most people think in my opinion, but they need a quality quarterback in the worst way. Jonathon Crumpton has been very inconsistent, although he has had some moments. Virginia Tech seems a better bet. Also tonight, we have the Insight Bowl from right here at Frank Kush Field at Sun Devil Stadium, pitting the Minnesota Gophers v. the Iowa State Cyclones (shown on NFL Network). I am going with the Cyclones in an upset.

First up New Year’s Day is the Outback Bowl with Auburn and Northwestern from Tampa Bay (ESPN). Long time readers are really going to find this shocking, but I am not going to bet on the Big-10 team here; it just isn’t good business. At 1 pm Eastern, the big boys start play with the Capital One Bowl from Orlando, with LSU and the Joe Pas hooking up (ABC). This is a tossup; no idea how it will go, should be a good game. At the same time on CBS, Bobby Bowden has his swan song with the Seminoles taking on the West Virginia Mountaineers in the Gator Bowl from Jacksonville. Seriously against my better judgment, I think Florida State gives Bobby a happy sendoff.

Nurse Ratched

Nurse Ratched

At 5 pm Eastern on ABC, we got the Grandaddy Of Them All, the Rose Bowl with Oregon hosting the Buckeyes. Ohio State should dominate. Ha ha, just kidding; it IS the Rose Bowl, look for the Quackers to explode through the cloud of dust. At 8:30 pm Eastern, Cincinnati and the Florida Gators knock heads on Fox in the Sugar Bowl from Nawlins. Man, there are a lot of subplots going on here; I have no idea what will happen. Gonna pick the Gators though.

Saturday at 2 pm Eastern on Fox we have Ole Miss and Oklahoma State in the Cotton Bowl. You know, the Cotton Bowl is just not what it once was; kind of sad. Oh well, spectators get to watch Jerry Jones’ big screen. I’ll take OSU, but it could be a pretty interesting game. Also got something called the Papa John’s Bowl with Connecticut and the South Carolina Gamecocks on ESPN. Following the pizza-fest on ESPN is the Liberty Bowl with the Arkansas Soooeees and the East Carolina Pirates. Aaaarrrrr matey, a tossup it be. Following the Liberty Bowl, again on ESPN, is the Alamo Bowl with the Mike Leach less Texas Tech Red Raiders taking on the Michigan State Spartans. The Spartys are better than you think, and if Tech doesn’t watch out, they will get beat.

Monday night at 8 Eastern is the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl from Cards Stadium here in Phoenix, featuring the undefeated Boise State Broncos taking on the undefeated TCU Horned Frogs. I tell you what, if fans are the measure, it will be TCU all the way; there were so many on and around Camelback Mountain this afternoon that it looked purple from my couch window. But that is not the measure and this, to me, is the most anticipated game of all. A tossup I cannot wait for. Tuesday night is the Orange Bowl with Iowa and the Ramblin Wreck from Georgia Tech. No clue, it is not that exciting of a matchup. Both games are on Fox.

We will need a new thread for the Championship game so that’s it for now. Happy New Year Folks!

No More Mr. Perfect Guy; Colts Take A Dive

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I am sorry, but I have to be blunt here. Somebody high in the Indianapolis Colts organization is a pussy. It is just that simple. If that offends you, sorry; but this is football and you have to man up baby. People have the gall to be yanking on Brett Favre for refusing to come out of a game that has important implications late in the season when the outcome is seriously on the line; but it is okay for the Colts to sit down Peyton Manning like some kind of delicate debutante in a game that had absolutely gigantic implications on the entire AFC playoff race? You have got to be fucking kidding me.

If I sound incensed; I am. I do not necessarily point at Peyton Manning for this unethical lack of manhood; but he is not off scott free. You think Brett Favre would have sat down for that shit? Hell no. Think Joe Montana would have? Nuh uh. Johnny Unitas or Bart Starr? Get out. But we don’t even have to look that far; you think Vince Lombardi would have backed off and put the taxi squad on the field like the Colts did? Hell no. And neither did Bill Belichick when the Pats were in the same position and had a chance to win the last games to stay undefeated.

But not the Indianapolis Colts though, oh no. Guess we should have known after the way the gutless wonders slithered out of Baltimore in the middle of the night under the cover of a snowstorm because they did not have the guts to be honest with their fans. Clearly they still don’t. Meet the new Irsay, same as the old Irsay.

How could the Colts so neuter their players? How could they steal the hopes and dreams of their fans and season ticket holders? If there was ever a man, a quarterback, built for this run it is Peyton Manning. The man works his ass off doing film study, repetitions and drills, both by himself and with his receivers and backs, all year long. Next to Brett Favre, the man Read more →

Trash Talk: Patriots Have A Strange Kind Of Mascot

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Sports mascots are ubiquitous. College mascots are a tradition I suppose, irrespective of redeeming value, but pro mascots – with the exception of the San Diego Chicken, the Phoenix Suns Gorilla and, maybe, the Philly Phanatic are totally lame. Seriously. Then there are those big headed sausages the Milwaukee Brewers have. Are those even mascots?

But mascots, like Tiger Woods, are only human. They have indiscretions:

A prostitution sting in Rhode Island netted an unusual John, or, rather, an unusual Pat—as in one of the men who plays Pat Patriot, the huge-foam-headed mascot of the New England Patriots. Robert Sormanti, 47, was among 14 charged; there was no indication he was wearing his costume when busted.

And this:

Pat the Patriot, beloved mascot of the New England Patriots and inspiration to Boston-area children since 1960, has been arrested in a prostitution sting. But it gets worse: Evidently Pat was caught answering a naughty ad on Craigslist. Placed by a policeman in Rhode Island.

Rumor has it that local prostitutes called Pat by his other nickname, “The Revolutionary Minuteman.” They did not mean it as a compliment.

Ouch.

See, now this is the problem with the media in today’s society; it is so shallow. Where is the discussion of the extreme team spirit of Sormanti and his willingness to get “up” for the big game against the Panthers? Bill Bel does not lose three in a row does he? Read more →

Trash Talk: I’m An Excellent Driver Edition

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Well I woke up this morning and got myself a beer
The future’s uncertain and the end is always near
Let it roll, baby roll, let it roll all night long.

These are strange days indeed we live in. One minute it is a quiet peaceful day after Thanksgiving, not even the sound of sugar plums and OPR reports dropping, and the next thing you know all hell is breaking loose in the Woods. Tiger goes Rainman driving in the driveway, and Elin Woods shows she’s got some game with golf clubs too. Go figure. You knew it couldn’t be long before Gloria Allred and Mark Geragos were involved. Ugh. The Woods family, sadly, will all be crawling from this wreakage for a long time.

But there is, thankfully, football to occupy our time, so let’s get to the games.

Student Athletes: Right now, and in my backyard, my ASU Sun Devils have just lost, via a late game moronic muffed punt, to the hated UofA Wildcats in what, at one time, was one of the best and nastiest rivalry games in the entire country. No longer, strictly ho hum now. Another game that was always huge, but has lost some luster is Trojans v. Bruins, which is a late game tonight (Fox Sports here). It may not be what it used to be, but very well may be an interesting game tonight. By the way, both TCU and Boise State are going to finish undefeated; I say put em both in BCS bowl games; these are good teams and they have earned it far more than some SEC team with two losses, and more than any flunky Big-10 team.

National Favre League: Again, there area a bunch of simply lousy games not even worth discussing. But the good ones have a lot to chew on. First up is Pittsburgh versus the Ravens in Baltimore. The big news here is that Big Ben is out, not going to play because of concussion symptoms. When Roethlisberger himself is making the call, you know it is real, he is a tough dude. So Dennis Dixon, who was a legitimate Heisman candidate, if not frontrunner, two years ago at Oregon before he hurt his knee, will get the start. He is a great athlete and can throw the ball, but has almost zero experience; ought to be interesting. The Ravens are desperate and have to have a win, but have not been playing well. This is a tossup, with the slight edge to the Ravens.

Peyton and the Colts at Houston is notable too. Can the Colts stay undefeated? Can Houston win a big game at home? I’ll take the Colts. Da Bears visit Old Man River in the land of the Norske. The other really interesting game, however, is the Cardinals visiting the Titans. Kurt Warner looks fine in spite of the hit last week, so the Cards look to be at full strength. The Titans have been resurgent with Vince Young though and are back to playing Jeff Fisher football. The Titans are on a mission, the Cards have the division pretty much wrapped up already because the NFC west is so pitiful. I’ll take the Titans in an upset.

By far the biggest and best game this week is the Monday Night affair down in the Big Easy. If I had more dollars than sense, I would head down for some hurricanes at Pat O’Briens and a 48 hour partay ramble. You know the Who Dat nation is going to be amped up and ready to geaux. This has the makings of another Dolphins/Bears Monday Night game from almost 24 years ago to the day. With only the Redskins, Falcons, Cowboys, Bucs and Panthers left on their schedule, if the Saints can overcome the Pats, they very well may run the table. The Pats are really rounding into form at the right time of the year. You knew they would. Most importantly, the New England defense is gelling. Couple that with a healthy Wes Welker and Brady getting back to the QB he is capable of being, and, well, you just cannot ask for anything more out of a regular season game. As Keith Jackson would say, “folks, this is gonna be a good un”. Drew Fookin Brees and the Who Dats are at home in the dome; give them a microscopic edge.

Alright, that is the slate; what ya got? Been kind of quiet here the last couple of days, time to make some noise fellow knuckleheads!!

Talkin Turkey Trash

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Here it is, another big bird day! That means football and we have some trash to talk.

Some Preliminaries: ESPN has been reporting that the Buffalo Bills and Mike Shanahan had a seven hour sit down, and there is serious interest on both sides; we shall see. In other Bills news, Jim Kelly thinks Trent Edwards is a nice guy, but is why the Bills are finishing last. Notre Dame has cancelled all of Charlie Weiss’ recruiting trips, that were already set up for after the Stanford game that ends the season. Not a good sign; put a fork in him and carve him up, this turkey is cooked. Oh, and former Eagles offensive lineman Jon Runyan is going to run for Congress in New Jersey – just as soon as he is through joining the Bolts for the rest of the season. Clearly more worried about himself and money than learning issues and actually doing the dirty work of being a politician, he ought to be the perfect Republican.

The Games: First up we have Cheesers at Kittens. Young Matthew Stafford’s willingness, make that determination in the face of his coaches, to get in for the last play of the game last weekend versus the Brownies, and win the game with a TD pass on the last play earned him the team, and its respect, for good. He was already the man; but boy did that seal the deal. He is a stud and threw for 422 yards and five, count em five, TDs last week. Stafford has a hurt non-throwing shoulder; if he can’t go, which is likely, Duante Culpepper will get the nod. The Packers also had a big win over the 49ers, but lost Al Harris and Aaron Kampman for the year in the process. The Pack’s O Line is getting healthier, and not a minute too soon for Aaron Rodgers, who has takin a lickin and kept on tickin this year. This should be a surprisingly good game, especially if Stafford can go.

Next up is da Rayduhs versus the ‘Boys. Yeah, I dunno what to think here. Both these teams are infuriating. Oakland has a great defense and should not have been nearly as lame as it has been on offense. They have some players, I just think Jamarcus Russell has been a lead weight around their neck. But he is benched, and Bruce Gradkowski is at the helm now, and they are responding. Dallas, on the other hand, is 7-3 but has just sucked. Seven godamned points against the Redskins? Come on man. The Cowboys need this game though, because the Giants might be waking up. It is in Dallas, the ‘Boys usually win Turkey Day games at home, so I will go with them. If this game was in Oakland I wouldn’t though.

Last, but not least, we have the aforementioned Gents traveling to Mile High to visit the Donkos. As RanDiego keeps saying, the Broncs really need to think about wearing them striped socks and butt ugly unis for the rest of the year; they are a good luck charm. Two things are crippling Denver lately; Kyle Orton is hurt and they got nobody else (Simms is nice, but really sucks) and their new defense has been seen and schemed now. Most of all, Brian Dawkins, the key and soul to the D, has been hurt with a neck injury. Dawkins should play, if he is up to speed, that makes a HUGE difference. Still, Eli is feeling better with his foot and the Gents are coming around. I’ll take them tonight.

In honor of turkey day, how could today’s music not come from the Yardbirds? Happy Thanksgiving folks, and my thanks to one and all for being our friends and partners in the never ending expedition that is Emptywheel.

Trash Talk: Even Al Qaida Is Pimping The Cheesers Over Favre

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Oh this is beautiful:

It seems that the Brett Favre-Green Bay Packers saga is such a worldwide phenomenon that it’s being used by detainees in American military camps.

According to a military official, detainees at a Wisconsin National Guard camp in Iraq are using Brett Favre as a manner of getting at the guard troops there.

“They know Favre by name,” said First Lieutenant Tim Boehnen, who is from New Richmond, Wis.

“One of the big words they know now is shenanigan. They’ll constantly talk about ‘Favre shenanigans,’ ‘He’s so good for the Vikings,’ and ‘The Packers have got to really feel bad about that one.’ ”

According to Boehnen, it started when troops there started decorating their camp in Packers colors.

Heh. I wonder how you say Ted Thompson is a big fat arrogant idiot in Arabic. And I wonder how the Cheeseheads respond; it’s not like there is much they can say back to the creative and pesky detainees in light of the ass whuppin Favre and the Vikes have laid on them twice. Even on the hallowed Frozen Tundra of Lambeau. Ouch.

In other tangential football news, Obama has been chucking the pigskin on the White House lawn with Drew Fookin Brees (thus today’s musical selection “They Call Me The Breeze”). From USA Today:

President Obama is exercising executive privilege to get youngsters off their butts, and to urge all Americans to volunteer for community service.
In a TV spot set to run on Thanksgiving Day, viewers will see New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees zinging a pass to an unseen player. As we look closer, we realize the receiver is actually President Obama. The playing field is the White House lawn. The defender is Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu.

The 90-second public service announcement is a joint effort between the NFL’s Play 60 campaign to fight childhood obesity and the president’s United We Serve public-service effort.

Pretty cool, and a worthy cause too. Football on the lawn at 1600 Pennsylvania; somewhere JFK, RFK Read more →