Posts

Donald J. Trump wearing an apron while dispensing french fries at a McDonald's fast food restaurant in Pennsylvania as part of a campaign stunt on Sunday, October 20, 2024. Photo by Doug Mills/AP.

Batting Down Election-Day Conspiracy Theories

/141 Comments/in , /by

Donald J. Trump wearing an apron while dispensing french fries at a McDonald's fast food restaurant in Pennsylvania as part of a campaign stunt on Sunday, October 20, 2024. Photo by Doug Mills/AP.

There is no truth to the rumor that Donald J. Trump wearing an apron while dispensing french fries at a McDonald’s fast food restaurant in Pennsylvania was part of his preparation for a new career move should he lose tonight [Sunday, October 20, 2024. Photo by Doug Mills/AP.]

As the voters stream to the polls today, as workers at precincts around the country welcome voters to cast their ballots, as state and county election officials prepare for the counting that will take place, and as lawyers prepare for the inevitable fights in the days to come, it is incumbent on us at EW to shoot down rumors of conspiracies flying around on this momentous day.

So let’s get right to it.

There is no truth to the rumor that the staff at Mar-a-Lago has put plastic sheeting over the walls, to make cleaning up any thrown pasta easier. If anyone tells you that the custodial staff is worried about Trump throwing his dinner around once results start coming in, do not believe them.

There is no truth to the rumor that JD Vance has prepared a concession speech filled with remorse for the things he said about Kamala Harris during the campaign, and there is absolutely no truth whatsoever that Peter Thiel is preparing to have JD Vance disappeared for his failure to win.

There is no truth to the rumor that Lara Trump is planning to move to Saudi Arabia should Harris/Walz win.

There is no truth to the rumor that Fox News has a contingency plan to have an intern shut down the power to the FOX studios and take them off the air on election night if the results come in putting Harris over the top.

There is no truth to the rumor that Ivanka and Jared are giving the Saudi’s back the money they were given to “invest” back in 2020.

There is no truth to the rumor that Elon Musk is shorting DJT stock.

There is no truth to the rumor that Mike Pence has a bottle of champagne on ice for he and Mother to share this evening, should Trump/Vance lose.

There is no truth to the rumor that Alito and Thomas are so despondent at the mere thought of Trump losing that their doctors are worried about them succumbing to heart attacks in the next 72 hours.

There is no truth to the rumor that Bill Barr is preparing a memo for Kamala Harris, laying out the rationale for her naming him as her new AG should Trump lose.

There is no truth to the rumor that Liz Cheney has practicing her sincerity in anticipation of making a call later this evening to Donald Trump, offering her solemn condolences at Trump’s loss, and absolutely no truth whatsoever that her practice sessions are not going well because she can’t get through two sentences without laughing.

There is no truth to the rumor that Gavin Newsom is planning a call to Donald Trump Junior and Kimberly Guilfoyle, offering condolences on the occasion of the loss of Trump/Vance.

There is no truth to the rumor that Ted Cruz already has purchased a new home in Cancun, and absolutely no truth whatsoever that in a gesture of bipartisanship, Colin Allred has already generously agreed to bring pizza and empty boxes to help him pack.

There is no truth to the rumor that Mitt Romney has laid in numerous kegs of beer for his watch party tonight at the Romney family home, and absolutely no truth whatsoever that Mitt’s sister niece Ronna McDaniel is planning to resume using “Romney” in her name again.

There is no truth to the rumor that Trump’s staffers are secretly preparing to call in sick this evening, rather than attend any watch parties or “victory” rallies, so that they can prepare to enter witness protection programs.

THERE IS NO TRUTH TO ANY OF THESE THINGS.

There is also a rumor that the members of Putin’s election interference unit are reeling in terror at the mere thought that Harris/Walz may win, resulting in an all-expenses paid one way trip to Ukraine for the entire group. This rumor we have been unable to debunk or verify.

If you have heard other rumors that need to be shut down, please add them in the comments.

So-So Tuesday Meanderings

/119 Comments/in , /by

Even eight hours after polls started closing on the Super Tuesday primaries yesterday, I see little of real interest in yesterday’s results.

The biggest news of the day remains that we’re rid of Kristen Sinema, which should make it easier for Ruben Gallego to replace her.

Another big news nugget yesterday confirmed what some had speculated: that when Elon Musk flew to West Palm Beach the other day, it was to allow Trump to beg him for cash. Musk famously demands full board control in business negotiations; imagine how such a discussion would go with Trump’s campaign team, who thus far have run a far more professional show than Trump’s past Presidential elections. Or, for that matter, Xitter under Musk’s direction.

Speaking of Nazi sympathizers, the North Carolina GOP nominated a Black Holocaust denier to run for governor.

Adam Schiff and Steve Garvey will face off to take Dianne Feinstein’s seat — and sadly, the progressives weren’t even close.

Nikki Haley appears to have won Vermont. [Update: At 10AM, Haley will suspend her campaign but not yet endorse Trump.] Joe Biden appears to have lost American Samoa. [Correction: Updated reporting says it was a delegate tie.]

It will take days to figure out how much of Haley’s vote — under 20% in more conservative states and Texas — reflected cross-overs. Similarly, it’ll take some time to understand the significance of protest votes against Joe Biden, the most significant of which was in Minnesota. And given what a weird situation a two incumbent general presents it’ll take days to figure out what the turnout means for Biden and Trump.

One of the most important measures, in my opinion, is in where and how Latinos voted — particularly if Colin Allred, now the Democratic nominee in Texas, has a chance of replacing Ted Cruz. Again, it’ll take days to make sense of that.

The big takeaway right now is that a whole lot of people don’t want to be facing a Trump-Biden rematch. But as of yesterday, it is virtually certain that’s what will happen.