Laborious Trash Talk

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It is Labor Day weekend. Shockingly, my dictation program, Nuance Dictate for Mac, has gone beyond its normal complete worthlessness and now exists in the temporal-intellectual worthlessness of time and space. Seriously, for an application that claims to be useful for efficiency for the normal human, they are total crap. I have fought with them for nearly four years, and I am tired. You want to talk to me Nuance, here I am. Otherwise, go blow a goat.

Okay, now that I have gotten a little preliminary issue setting out of the way, let us get down to Trash Talk mofo’s and……

Oooops! Major power outage at Casa de bmaz! Seriously, I have dick for connection, only 3G on my old iPhone (yes, I have been holding out for iPhone5, even my wife is about to kill me).

I am sorry, I Musta Got Lost. And my gmail tells me Marcy is on the warpath. Rightly so, despite monsoon season here. Oddly, the sky looks mostly clear, I have no reason why my AC, much less my DC, has been taken away from me. You laugh, but when it is 106, you need the juice for the air conditioner. Bad. Somewhere below is a picture of the only light there was for a while, the moon. Vaya con dios Neil Armstrong, I thought well of you in the face of the moon tonight. If there was a measure of the childhood of my generation, it was the Moon Shot.

More Trash content will be on the horizon, like the storm front closing in, but not yet here. In the meantime, I am going to buy you all off with the evidence of my entertainment while I had no electricity. When you suddenly have no cable, no internet, no McIntosh, Adcom and B&W stereo; you have to make do. My daughter Jenna is providing the entertainment while all things I know are down.

UPDATE: Okay, I am back for a little bit. Man, lot of no power tonight and during, and after, then there was the tequila issue. What is a poor boy to do? Sing for a rock n’ roll band?

Okay, South Carolina and Michigan State, both closer than expected but not so by me, both won to start the college football season. Nobody should take anything away from Vanderbilt nor Boise State though. Especially Boise. Sparty is good, and at home to open the season? The BCS should never, ever, dock Boise State because they do not try to play a difficult enough schedule. Previously they opened against the Oregon Ducks in Corvallis. Tell me again why they cannot play for a national championship?

But now, the most interesting game of the first weekend is on tap. Yep, the Wolvereenies versus Crimson Tide at JerryJonesBowl. I’ll take Denard Robinson, seen below in a stirring segment, in an upset over the NickSabanDroids. Granted, I am completely sloshed and sitting on my front patio in a cactus patch, but that is my Karl Rove’s Fathers’ Solid Gold Cock Ring Lead Pipe Lock prediction. [All legal disclaimers imaginable applicable]. But wait! There is more! If you call right now we will double the offer! [Okay, not really].

The NFL has played the 4th and final preseason game, the one season ticket holders pay for, but that nobody understands, already. The Jets, Jets, Jets finally scored a touchdown. Yes that is one. But “yay”. There are interesting things going on in baseball, but the best is the return of the Rocket. Even if it is for the Skeeters. These are the young Pujols’s of the next generation and, through four innings, they can’t hit Rocket. Think the jurors from the trial and Reggie Walton are not watching the Rocket? Oh yeah, you bet your butt they are. Clemens will likely throw one more independent league game, likely against the Long Island Ueckers (not really; that was a little high and outside). And then a start for the Astros. Maybe two. Just cause.

But, far more globally important than football, baseball or that nimrod NASCAR, the Circus is coming back to town. Yep, Formula One. And where the spinning wheel stops is…..at Spa! Yes, the circuit that looks like a woman’s reproductive system. Or a Phaser. Whatever. Unlike those candy asses in left turn NASCARland, they run in the wet in F1.

Yes they do and it is wet at Francorchamps. Qualifying will go off not too long after I post this, and the race coverage o Speed TV begins at 7:30am EST and 4:30am PST on Sunday morning. Despite the safetied up new course at Spa, with a bit of wet, it is still a fast, dangerous and interesting layout. Ought to be fun.

There are certain people that have covered F1 forever. One of the best photographers, Paul Henri-Cahier, has been, and is, a friend to this blog. Paul is the, without question, premier F1 photographer in the world and he is second to his father, the legendary Bernard Cahier.Grand Prix does not get the attention it should here in the States. But one who does cover it up close and personal on track is Brad Spurgeon. Here is Brad’s setup for this weekend:

Formula One began the second part of its season after the long, five week summer break in August, with the practice sessions on Friday at the Spa-Francorchamps circuit in Belgium.

But thanks to the typical Spa weather, and unfortunately for the thousands of spectators who showed up to take a €400 shower, it was as if the holidays had never ended.

The cars may have managed to turn a few laps in the rain in the morning session — although only one car went out during the entire first half of the 1 hour and 30 minute session — but there was no track action at all in the afternoon session until 35 minutes of the same length session remained. And even then, six of the 22 drivers did not take to the track, and of those who did, none drove more than four laps.

Yep. Summer break is over, and it is time to go to Ardennes forest with the lads. With the wet in the picture, Spa will be special.

So, there is Trash Talk for this week. Marcy is probably gonna come along and yammer about Nate Ebner and whatnot. I got one question though. Picture Walt Kowalski talking to an Ikea chair: Should the Cardinals pick up and immediately start Brian Hoyer? Bonus question: Do Watertiger’s precious Jets need Hoyer even worse than the Cardinals?

Boogie the Trash!

“With A Neck Like a Jockey’s Bollocks” Trash Talk

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Yeah, about the title. No, I am not quite sure what it means. Maybe Marcy and other sundry mystery guests will be along to explain the damn thing.

What I can confirm is that it is unequivocally the single most awesome grouping of words I have seen in a very long time. So I am rolling with it baybee!

And, you know, leave it to the Irish, in this case Michael Higgins, who was not then, but is now, the President of Ireland. And, also, who is, by my marker, a man of and among men. I would quote Mr. Higgins more, but it would not do him justice. Watch the video.

Honestly, sincerely, really unequivocally, whatever the fuck, just listen to Michael Higgins eviscerate the American ethos. It is brutal and real.

Oh, before we go any further, I have a new chapeau. I will, and you can, thank the one and only, ever lovely, Phred for this wondrous occurrence.

Y’all have known I had an affinity for CHEESE since I was a child in elementary school. It was easy then, as there was no NFL team within hundreds of miles, and the one that was there was the Rams, and it was not all that compelling. No, the team of my youth and dreams was Lombardi’s Packers. Fuck Dallas, Green Bay was, and is, the people’s, and America’s, team. Always has been. As the only team actually of the people, it must so be. Don’t pitch that crap about teams that are corporately owned, or owned by narcissistic dicks like Jerry Jones.

Knowing my affinity for the once, always, and future real team of America – the ONLY publicly owned and locally controlled, NFL team, the Green Bay Packers, our friend Phred has blessedly provided me with an official CheeseHead. It arrived a couple of days ago, and is the most awesome thing I have been given in a LONG time.

So, I raise my Ronnie Raygun like head to the Great Cheese In The Sky.

Back to Michael Higgins, necks and bollocks. Watch the video. Higgins correctly identifies the wankers in life, I love it and ratify his identification. Precisely.

Now, on to the sporting side of life. Well, normally, Marcy or I post up Trash Talk whenever we are so inclined. Sometimes, however, itinerant Roving Reporters, like Mademoiselle Rosalind, get all uppity in our grill and force us to Trash.

Oh my. The ignominy of it all.

So, without further adieu, we shall lead off with sailing. Yes, I know, this is all a bit discomfiting for the normal Trash Talk aficionados. Whatta ya gonna do Mofo? We support our Read more →

NCAA, Mark Emmert, Unitary Executives & The Death of Due Process

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Once you step beyond the tragedy of Aurora, the big news today centers on Penn State and the aftermath of Jerry Sandusky, Joe Paterno and Louis Freeh. There is a lot of news, and implications to come, from today’s events.

First, and unsurprisingly, Penn State yesterday took down the fabled statue of JoePa. Abandoning larger than life symbols, whether human or otherwise, is never easy. And it is not just the specter of human faces in this regard either, witness the difficulty (irrespective of which side of the equation you reside on) of moving beyond “Redskins” and “Seminoles” as team mascots. But Paterno’s statue at PSU, by now, was more a testament and reminder of gross and wanton failure, not success. A defeating duality if there ever was one for a supposedly inspirational piece of art. The statue had to go the way of JoePa himself, and it now has.

The second part of the news, and discussion thereof, however, will have far greater repercussions. That, of course, is the actual penalties handed down to the Penn State football program. They have just been announced and are as follows:

1) A $60 Million fine to be applied to anti-child abuse charity and organizations

2) A four year ban on bowl appearances

3) A scholarship reduction of 10 initial scholarships year one and 20 overall scholarships per year for a period of four years.* Current athletes may transfer without penalty or limitation

4) Imposition of a five year probationary period

5) Mandatory adoption of all reforms recommended in the Freeh Report

6) Vacation of all football wins from the period of 1998 through 2011. A loss of 111 wins from the record book (109 of which were from Paterno)

These are extremely harsh penalties. In some terms, competitively anyway, the scholarships are the key element. A loss of twenty per year for for four years, when prospective players know they will never see a bowl game in their career, is crippling. It will be fascinating to see how PSU survives this blow.

USC provides the best analogy, as it is just finishing up its sanction of a two year bowl ban and loss of ten scholarships per year for three years. While the Trojans will be eligible for a bowl game again this year, they still have one more year of the scholarship reduction to get through. USC has remained competitive and, in fact, is considered to be a major contender for the championship this coming year. Penn State, however, has much longer terms, especially as to the Read more →

Hockenheim, Highway Stars & Aurora

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It is time for the Formula 1 Grosser Preis Santander Von Deutschland 2012. There is that.

Then there is the fact Jon Lord has died. If you do not know Jon Lord, he was a founding member of, and keyboard player for, Deep Purple. One of the more underrated keyboard players, and bands, of all time (by my book anyway). RIP

And, indescribably, twelve more souls died in Aurora, with scores more injured gravely. I would love to say something pithy, profound and appropriate. However, I have no clue what that would be.

A lot of other stuff has also transpired demanding extreme talking of the trash. The video embedded to the upper right is custom made by my daughter, Jenna, and I, from CGI runs of the Hockenheimring set to the sounds of the timeless Deep Purple classic Highway Star. All for this F1 Trash and wake for the Lord thread. Okay, mostly her work, but she swears even I can be taught the necessary skills. We’ll see about that. With no further adieu…..

Let’s roll.

We are in the summer doldrums. No football. No basketball. Do they even play hockey in the States? I forget. I understand there is some kind of athletic contest coming up across teh pond. In a move that may well INCREASE the safety of one and all, in Olympic Village and the world over, actual stiff British upper lip troops will be filling in for corrupt, fraudulent and incompetent G4 Mercenary Contractors.

Other than that, there is the start of the second half of the baseball season and……Formula One! This week is the German Grand Prix at Hockenheim.

Uh, BREAKING NEWS: My TeeVee just told me:

“For years people have been working to perfect the margarita. At last, the wait is over. Introducing Bud Light Lime Margaritas. The ready to drink margarita. With the refreshing twist of Bud Light Lime.”

While I had heard of Bud Light Lime before, from Uncle Stanley McChrystal, this is something NEW and, apparently, wonderful. Or, you know, not.

At any rate, qualifying is about to go off at the German Grand Prix. Hockenheimring is a relatively flat, and traditionally very fast circuit. The video really gives a good feel for it. Although shorter than originally laid out to be, it is still nearly three miles long and presents numerous opportunities for overtaking.

At practice, the rain spoiled the fun, and especially so for the German favorite, Michael Schumacher. The Mercedes team may be further plagued by a five place penalty on the grid due to a gearbox change in Nico Rosberg’s equipment. Things were brighter, however, for McLaren, who saw Jenson Button be fast with Lewis Hamilton close behind.

The skies do not look to clear for Saturday’s qualifying, but the rain may hold off. [Quick addendum: watching Q3 now and the track is soaking wet. Both Alonso and Schumacher are radioing that it needs to be stopped, but the stewards do not appear so inclined. The ability of these drivers to keep their cars on the track in these conditions is simply stunning] Race day will be a crapshoot though. Updates after qualifying will be in comments below.

Which brings us to Aurora. I was still up early Friday morning when the first word of the tragedy started coming in. I thought about posting something, but was so numb there was just nothing to say. Not sure much has changed in that regard. The root facts are on the usual relentless babble stream of cable news etc. and I have not even checked in in a bit to see the latest. The one take that really stuck out to me was by David Sirota, who lives literally right by the scene in suburban Denver:

Confronting that question, of course, is mind-bending and painful — in the age of “War on Terror” agitprop that purposely defines terrorism in one specific, narrow and politically convenient way, it’s akin to the cognitive difficulty of pondering the size of the universe … or, perhaps, death itself. It takes us out of our comfort zone and forces us to consider the causes of all kinds of extremism and violence — not just the foreign Islamic kind that we so flippantly write off as alien. Indeed, at a time when so many bloodlusting Americans cheer on our government proudly assassinating the imams who allegedly inspire Muslim terrorism, a shooting like this (if, indeed, it had nothing to do with Islamic extremism) begs us to wonder why we don’t feel similarly bellicose or enraged at the inspirations fueling so many other forms of terrorism — whatever those inspirations may be.

These contradictions and omissions, of course, are why such a question will almost certainly be ignored in the now-practiced kabuki theater of horror porn — the kind where vote-seeking politicians issue meaningless platitudes, ratings-stalking reporters breathlessly recount the gory details and attention-starved pundits preen in front of cameras to prognosticate about the electoral implications of mass murder in a presidential swing state. Carefully avoiding the T-word, it is a conspiracy of distraction and reduction, playing to our reflexive desire for soothing diversions and simple answers. The conspirators expect that when the cameras eventually pan away from the cataclysm, we will slip back into hyper-sleep for another few weeks, until the next massacre hits, and then the cycle will begin anew.

Yep. About right.

There may not be much front line sports on this weekend, but there is certainly a lot to talk about. What have you all been up to? What is on your mind? Let’s talk.

Real Fast & Legitimate Trash Talk!

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I feel confident you were all as traumatized as I was by the counterfeit Trash Talk appearing recently on these hallowed threads! Apparently, simply because this blog is named “Emptywheel”, people named Emptywheel think they can just stroll in and post up trash. Madness, I tell you, madness!

Hmmmm, speaking of Madness, turns out it is March, and we haz some going on with the student athletes of the roundball variety. Yesterday, not one, BUT TWO, second seeded teams were upset by 15 seeds. Tiny Norfolk State, appropriately led by Kevin O’Quinn on the eve of St. Patricks Day, took out the well regarded Missouri Tigers. Then joy in the hearts of haters everywhere was ignited by Lehigh crushing the Dookies.

For the women, hate to say it, but Obama is right, Brittney Griner and Baylor look unstoppable, though I have a sentimental hope for Pat Summitt. My sleeper to watch are the Delaware Blue Hens, led by maybe the real story of the year, Elena Delle Donne. If you don’t know the story of Elena, you should. The Hens have a shot.

In NFL news and notes, the Arizona Cardinals are left at the altar again. We went through this with Joe Montana, and now again with freaking Peyton. Marcy’s anti-Peyton rap all these years was clearly spot on the money. But, hey, we get to keep Kevin Kolb. Yay. Looked like the Donkos were in the lead, then the Titans, and now the 49ers have pulled even. Who knows. I am probably joining Steve Young and leaning SF because that is the best overall chance for a championship fast, and Peyton needs to catch up to Little Bro. The Bolts have had a decent off season, but losing Vincent Jackson is tough. I still believe Matt Flynn can be a very quality starting QB, and still think he joins his old OC from the Pack, Joe Philbin, at the Fish, but the Squawks are in play. Talk amongst yourselves about all the rest of the ongoing free agency and draft news.

We all wait on pins and needles for Intrepid Emptywheel Roving Reporter Rosalind’s horse racing updates. Assuming she doesn’t get tipsy from St. Paddy’s Day, reportage on the baby shower for Zenyatta’s baby colt and the racing debut of Zenyatta’s little sister, Eblouissante is in the offing.

Of course, the real sports news this weekend is the opening of the 2012 Circus – The Formula One season! We again start down under in Oz, and both the track and the weather have been perfect and hot n’ fast so far. There are six – count em SIX – World Champions in this year’s field and on the grid in Melbourne. They all look fast too, even Michael Schumacher, who has been beleaguered by bad equipment since his comeback. Schuey came up a fast fourth in the factory Mercedes, and will be starting from the second row. McLaren owns the front row, with Lewis Hamilton looking killer on pole and Jenson Button right beside him. Seriously, and uncharacteristically, off the pace are the Red Bull boys back in the third row, Webber in P5 and Vettel in P6. As was, sadly, predicted over the winter, Ferrari is in trouble. Alonso went driveabout in the kitty litter, and bombed out in Q2; Fernando will start from P12. Felipe Massa is even worse, and is all the way back in P16. Best line, by a mile, I have heard of the new Circus season so far:

Two seasons of crashing rally cars has had no adverse impact on [Kimi Räikkönen’s] ability to speak Morse code.

If you have ever watched the Flighty Finn in a press conference, you know how spot on that is. Jeebus, I about keeled over laughing in the middle of a courtroom yesterday when I read that.

The official F1 site is here and has boatloads of great stories and helpful coverage, including live scoring if you sign in. It is worth joining for the live scoring. Old friend Brad Spurgeon has moved from the NYT to their international effort, the IHT (International Herald Tribune), but continues with his excellent on scene reportage.

The Australian Grand Prix goes off early Sunday morning/late Saturday night with coverage on Speed Channel starting at 1:30 am EST and 10:30 pm PST.

Music by The Faces. Rod is a little long in the tooth these days, but make no mistake, he, Ronnie Wood and Ian McLagan could really bring it in the day. Lite this joint up people, let there be Trash!

Chrysler’s Halftime Lesson: Government Investment for America’s Rebound

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Once again, Chrysler had one of the best ads in yesterday’s Super Bowl, once again using the aesthetic of Detroit disaster porn to offer gritty inspiration. And while it’s not as good as the Eminem version last year, it might appeal to Chrysler’s target market even more, as it generalizes the uncertainty so many people feel.

I was struck by an irony at the core of the ad, though. Eminem really does embody Detroit. Clint Eastwood, in contrast, has no such personal tie to the city. And while his gritty voice works great for the ad. His delivery of, “This country can’t be knocked out with one punch” perfectly caught his performed toughness (it reminded me of his Million Dollar Baby, which I loved).

The one other reason to choose Eastwood for this ad, it seems to me, is the role he played as Walt Kowalski in his Gran Torino. That guy, an old Korean war vet struggling with the increasing diversity of his lifetime neighborhood, did embody Detroit, as much as Eminem does.

Yet, as written, Kowalski was not a lifetime Detroiter. Rather, screenwriter Nick Schenk based him on a bunch of veterans he met while working in a liquor store in his native Twin Cities. (h/t Wizardkitten)

“And in all of those jobs, especially in the liquor store, I would meet a lot of guys who were vets,” he said.

Schenk recalls asking customers with military tattoos about where and when they served.

“Little by little, as they came in every day for their bottle of ‘medicine,’ they’d tell you a little bit more,” he said.

“If you were respectful — I think everyone wants to get stuff off their chest, and they’re not going to tell their wives, they’re not going to tell their kids — and so if they can find an outlet to dump it out off on, that was me. I had a lot of guys telling me stories for years,” he said.

Those experiences helped him shape the character of Walt Kowalski, a Korean War veteran played by Clint Eastwood.

And the Hmong community was based on the Twin Cities’ sizable Hmong community.

Gran Torino, that tale of troubled old America coming into conflict with, and learning to love, the future of America, was shot in Detroit rather than the Twin Cities because of government intervention. The film was shot during the period when film credits offered under Jennifer Granholm and cut under Rick Snyder brought lots of new, creative jobs to MI; it was one of the first big films to be shot using the credits. Walt Kowalski was a native Detroiter only because MI invested in making him one.

And so Clint Eastwood, that Bay Area native who told a story about the Twin Cities but set it in Detroit, generalized the Detroit-specific ad about resilience from last year. But both the invocation of the Chrysler bailout and the use of Eastwood remind that rebounds work best when governments invest.

One more detail: this story–as told by Chrysler–leaves out a key part of the story. As John Nichols reported this morning, Chrysler specifically edited unions out of this story.

At the fifty-second point in the ad, images from last year’s mass pro-union protests in Madison, Wisconsin, were featured.

But something was missing: union signs.

The images from Madison appear to have been taken from a historic video by Matt Wisniewski, a Madison photographer whose chronicling of the protests drew international attention and praise. Wisniewski’s work went viral, and was even featured in a video by rocker Tom Morello.

Wisniewski’s original video, from an evening rally at the King Street entrance to the Wisconsin Capitol, features images (at the two-minute, seventeen-second mark) of signs raised by members of Madison Teachers Inc. (MTI), the local education union that played a pivotal role in the protests. One sign features the MTI logo, another reads: “Care About Educators Like They Care for Your Child.”

In the Chrysler ad, the MTI logo is missing and the “Care About Educators…” sign is replaced with one featuring an image of an alarm clock. Several other union signs are simply whited out.

It’s an incomplete picture, because government support is not enough to bring on America’s second half. But it is a key part of it.

Update: Karl Rove hates it. Always a good sign, in my book.

Emptywheel’s Gigantic Patriotic Bad Ass Mega Super Bowl Trash Talk Houseparty

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It is SuperBowl weekend and the biggest story in Indianapolis is Peyton Manning. Probably not fair to Peyton, Indianapolis or the Giants and Pats, but such is how it seems to be playing out. The melodrama has served as a reminder that the Colts are still an Irsay family enterprise and the main difference between Robert “Midnight Mayflower” Irsay and his gabby son Jim is that Jim stumbled into Peyton Manning. Who knew all these years we have been facetiously calling them the “Indianapolis Peytons”, it was pretty much accurate?

Irsay has made almost as much of a hash of things the last couple of weeks as the Susan G. Komen Foundation, which is saying something. I wonder if Ari Fleischer is helping the Colts too? Remember, Ari “helped” the Packers with the Brett Favre separation too, and the end of the Peyton era in Indy is turning every bit as ugly. Manning claims to be cleared to play and is intent on resuming his career; clearly it looks to be in another city though. Hmmm, wonder if Larry Fitzgerald has been in touch?

The Peyton Place soap opera has sapped some of the attention off of the Pats and Giants over the runup to the big game. The New Yawkers have been running their yaps about how awesome they are now and, while still the slight underdog, everybody seems to think the Giants are the team to beat. All of this likely suits Bill Belichick just fine. It is no longer possible to discount Tom Coughlin as a coach, but give Belichick two weeks and sell him short, and you are asking for trouble. It took until the AFC Championship game, but the New England defense finely gelled. Getting linebacker Brandon Spikes and safety Patrick Chung back, along with the sudden awesomeness of Vince Wilfork, has really made a difference. Julius Edelman is the weak link, but Belichick may be able to scheme around him.

The national media has focused on the health of Gronk, and he will play, but the Pats have Aaron Hernandez too. Almost have to wonder if there is not a stealth plan to spread the field vertically with Ochocinco. Heck, might as well give it a try, no one will expect it after him being in the witness protection program all year.

As for the Gents, well, Bad Eli seems to be but a distant memory and the New York offense really is clicking on all cylinders. Victor Cruz is simply an animal, and now Mario Manningham is back. Coupled with the two headed monster of Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw, there really is no weakness. Actually, the same can be said about the Giants defense too, led by Jean Pierre Paul and Justin Tuck. The weakness is the secondary, where the Giants lost enough corners and safeties this year to stock a couple of teams. The situation improved over the year, but if the Pats O-line gives Brady any time at all, he ought to be able to carve em up.

So, what gives? Every factor seems to favor the Giants. There is simply no way to add up all the respective factors and do anything but predict a Giants win. So, I am going to go out on a limb and jinx Marcy. Patriots win on the foot of Stephen Gostkowski. Not to mention Bill Bel just doesn’t lose to a team twice in the same year.

For some strange reason, the NFL picked Madonna for the halftime snoozapalooza. I guess Rosemary Clooney wasn’t available, so they got the next oldest dame they could find. She sure ain’t no virgin anymore. Bleech. As the game is thankfully not in Michigan, at least we don’t have to suffer through Nicleback. So we got that going for us I guess.

So, at least here in this post, we are gonna have some better music. Both cities/teams are represented. For New England, it is the Bad Boys of Beantown, the one and only J. Geils Band, with the classic “Houseparty”. And for New York, it is, of course, They Might Be Giants with the oh so appropo “Take Out The Trash”.

That is the rundown for Super Bowl XLVI. We have a lot of time for pre-game trashin, so what you got and why do you got it? This is the last football of the season, so get down and dirty and let fly the dogs of trash!

Championship Sunday Trash Talk

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Well, here we are at Championship Sunday weekend. It seemed like only yesterday that the NFL season was tearing through a hasty preseason after the lockout, and the Packers were beating the Saints in a season opening Thursday night shootout. And now we are down to the penultimate games. Gents are visiting the Niners, and Ray and Reed are taking a trip to Foxborough. Good stuff.

First game up is Ravens at Pats. We know the players and lowdown on this already: the unstoppable force of Tom Brady, Wes Welker, and the “Boston TE Party” of Gronk & Hernandez, versus the immovable object of Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs and Ed Reed. For the Ravens to have a chance, they have to get a great game out of Flacco; he is capable of it, but only sporadically. Even if the Ravens get Flacco and Ray Rice untracked, they have to outscore Brady. Tough job, I don’t see it. Now the better question here is asked by Robert Kraft via PFT: Is Bill Belichick the best coach in the history of pro football? Yes, Kraft really went there. I will throw that out for discussion, but I am going to weigh in with no. I got Lombardi easily in the first spot, followed by Paul Brown, Bill Walsh, George Halas, and a three way tie between Don Shula, Chuck Noll and Tom Landry. Bill Bel is getting there, but not yet.

The second game on tap is the better of the two, Elite Eli and the Giants going to San Francisco with an aching in their heart for another SuperBowl. Again, the book on both teams is pretty well known by now. The 49ers are way more solid on both sides of the ball than many thought, even though their D was pretty well understood to start with. And Alex Smith is a competent pro QB now. But the Giants just look like they are on a roll like they were in 2007 and Green Bay was last year. Good team, hot at the right time. Oh, and Jean Pierre-Paul is flat out a stud; if he stays healthy enough throughout his career, this kid is potentially Hall of Fame material. Dude can ball. And, the Gents might be a little pissed that Niners great Jerry Rice thinks that battering ram Brandon Jacobs is “soft”. Really Jerry? Come on man. Hard fought game, but the Gents bring it home.

Last, but certainly not least, we have a big announcement to make. Our long time friend Randiego, aka Surfer Dude, up and got hitched a couple of years ago. At 2:30 pm yesterday, he and the lovely Mrs. Randiego welcomed a new son, James, into this wild world we live in. Congratulations folks, from your family here at the Emptywheel Blog! My guess is that James’ first surfboard has already been acquired. Baby James will be coming home soon, and the Zep has an app for that.

Pretty exciting stuff we gots going on here. But a touch of sadness too. The great blues and soul singer Etta James has passed on. Etta was something else; man could she belt out a tune. My intro to her was the summer of 1978 when she opened for the Stones in Tucson. Much of the crowd was restless for Mick and the boys, but Etta James blew the place seriously up. Later Linda Ronstadt, who was in town visiting her parents, came on and joined Mick for a version of Tumbling Dice that may never be topped. But that is another story, this is about Etta, and she was something else. The above video is of “Pushover” which she first recorded in 1963. It is killer. RIP Etta.

That’s it folks, rip this joint!

Divisional Playoff Trash – One Way Out Version

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I must sincerely, and profusely, apologize for my negligence, carelessness, recklessness and, in general, sins of all varieties that resulted in the physical, emotional, and galactic damages resulting from THIS HIDEOUS NIGHTMARE! There is only one way out of this weekend for teams whose quest is the SuperBowl (just win baby) and there is only one way out of the, admittedly fair, doghouse I am in. Say yes to the Allman Brothers, and NO to Brady Pron, the overly joyous musical video.

So that nobody has to traumatize themselves with said offending Tom Brady Porn Video again, ever, in the history of humanity (or at least until I piss Marcy off again), here is what the itinerant, but knowledgeable one had to say there:

Pats, Packers, Ravens, NOLA. That’s who I’m taking.

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Bmaz Made Me Ruin Trash Talk

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[youtube]9ufwukWgKfI[/youtube]

I tried to avoid this, really I did.

But here it is Beer Thirty … in Denver’s (and bmaz’s) time zone! And there’s still no sign of Trash Talk on Divisional Playoff weekend.

So I had to whip out my old standby Tom Brady soft porn. Profuse apologies. I didn’t want to do this, really I didn’t.

Pats, Packers, Ravens, NOLA. That’s who I’m taking.

In the bracket I did before the playoffs, I said the Stillers would eliminate the Pats in this round. And while I do think the lack of snow in Foxboro is actually proof that god invented climate change so as to help Tim Tebow avoid snow at Gillette stadium–with real weather, there’d be little chance he’d look like the QB he played on TV last week, without it, he can certainly do some damage against the worst D in football! But I do think the Pats can beat Baby Jesus. Or maybe I’m just hoping that the rule–which thus far has held up–that True Evil always beats Baby Jesus still holds.

I think the Gents–who will face real weather at Lambeau (the goddess has finally blessed us Midwesterners with snow)–stand a really good shot at the Packers. They certainly have the best D in the playoffs–and perhaps the best D in the NFL–to shut down the Packers, particularly if it gets sloppy at all. Still, tough to beat against the Packers here. But I’ve been trash talking about how well that other UM standout player, Charles Woodson, has held up over the years, so I’m gonna suggest that he brings out the Bad Eli.

The Texans looked pretty great last week, and QB position aside, they’re finally beginning to get healthy. But TJ Yates has yet to make the intimate acquaintance of the Ravens D, and playoff games are not the time to do so. So I take the Ravens.

I think the toughest game of the weekend, though, is the NOLA-9ers game. A few weeks ago, I said we’d have a repeat HarBowl for the Super Bowl. I’d still be happy to watch that one. But I’m feeling really good about the Saints this weekend, slow grass and scary outdoors and all. Besides the fact, this is one game where I’d be happy no matter who wins.