Operation Ballsack Labor Day Football Trash Talk

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Hello. Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.

I am not sure how well the Trash Talk Machine is greased after such egregious neglect. But, we can only do what we do, and carry on. And those skilz have NOT been forgotten jack. So saddle up cowboys and cowgirls.

You would think being a blogger is an easy, Cheetos filled, lifestyle. Not the case. It is hard work, hard work I tell ya. I have suffered the indignation of Marcy and Jim yammering about wanting “trash this” and “trash that”. Weeeeelllllll that is so much SPAM! So, as I said earlier, it’s not easy, you know. I get no respect!

To make a quick comment on the title of this 2013 football season opening trash, shit is truly fucked up and bullshit. We have Mr. Constitutional Nobel Scholar President agitating to make unilateral bizarrely unnecessary war on Syria….apparently because he screwed up and drew a moronic “red line” in the sand and now has to prove he actually has bolas, in addition to stupidity and hubris. The man who when seeking votes to be elected in 2007-2008 claimed war without Congressional assent was wrong, and whose Vice-Predident called such unsanctioned war bullshittery and an “impeachable offense”, now insists without the UN, without the Brits, and with a coalition of effectively one (one who were previously described as “cheese eating surrender monkeys” not that long ago in American lore). But that is where we are now. Which is why the best name for this clusterfuck is “Operation Ballsack“. Yes, it is all about Obama’s balls, and his desperate need to prove he actually has a primordial pair.

Huh? Oh, wait! This was supposed to be football Trash Talk wasn’t it?!?!

Yikes, better get to that then. Last night was a pretty exciting open to the NCAA 2013 schedule. The ‘Ole Ball Coach Spurrier and the ‘Cocks did not seem all that animated, but still clocked a fairly solid NC Tarheel team. Looked like Vady was gonna take a bite off the ‘Ole Miss Rebels, but Ole Miss tailback Jeff Scott let loose with a 75 yard TD romp with 1:07 left, giving the Rebels a 39-35 last minute win. Good stuff. In other news, Lane Kiffen proves the question of why he has not been fired yet is still very salient by coaching a narrow win for Tommy Trojan over the Rainbows. Mighty Troy barely made it over the Rainbows. Yay. If that is all USC has, even the Sun Devils are going to wax them this year (a game I will be attending by the way). also, from Friday night, let me just say that Sparty has some VERY sticky fingered defenders. Look out B1G.

Well, what else is up I wonder? Hmmmm, appears some fella named “Manziel” was suspended half a game for something. Guess it wasn’t anything bad, cause Dez Bryant got suspended a whole season for eating dinner with Neon Deion Sanders. I sign my name on things a lot too. I get paid to do so. Not sure who would sign thousands of items for zip, nuthin, free. Apparently the crack investigators and accountability specialists at the NCAA found no problem though. And you KNOW how sane they are, cause they banned Penn State from all bowls for four years without having any NCAA violation whatsoever present. Ugh.

Alright. Games. Real ones are being played this weekend. Battle manufactured where it should be. Naturally. By a nerd at ESPN instead of that fake Operation Obama Ballsack baloney.

The game of the weekend looks to be Georgia at Clemson. These are two top ten worthy teams, if not potential national championship contenders. Special players abound everywhere on both teams, including Sammy Watkins the super receiver for the Tigers, and Tajh Boyd his quarterback. For the Bulldogs, Aaron Murray may be the best QB in the conference, and that includes Johnny Football. Awesome game to have so early. Alabama hosting Virginia Tech is another unusual one to start off with. The Tide will roll them, but there could be a struggle. should be a way better game than the Tide expected.

Honorable mentions goes to TCU and LSU in neutral Texas, Boise State/Washington and Cal versus Northwestern. Tell us what you have and why!

The one other thing I want to address is the noggins of the NFL. As you may have heard, there was a settlement this week, and it heavily favored the NFL. The craven plantation owners admitted nothing, gave up no liability findings, and gave up a ridiculously cheap total sum as hard settlement. By the time lawyer’s fees and mandatory testing etc. is deducted, it is criminal how little was gotten for a class of at risk humans. Down the road, if these class members live, they and their representatives will be screaming bloody murder. Here is an outrageously great article laying out the factors, and doing so with the tart and sarcastic truth it deserves

This long Labor Day weekend’s music is from the one, the only, Ms. Linda Ronstadt. I have a real affinity for Linda, and haver seen her numerous times including a couple of very special ones. If there has ever been a better pure female vocal talent, I am not sure I have seen it. Pure, and with a range to die for. The singing voice may be silenced, but Linda is rocking on and fighting for the causes she believes in. And they are, and always have been, great, and the right, ones. Oh, also, in case you didn’t notice, she had a backup band on the first video. Chuck Berry, Keith Richards, Robert Cray and some other chaps. The second is the band she normally toured with (including Waddy Wachtel – but with Mike Botts on drums instead of Russ Kunkel, who I always saw) and, trust me, they were absolutely killer, and very cool people to boot.

That’s it for now. Let Willis, and one and all, rock this joint. We are Livin In The USA. All things considered, it is still pretty fucking grand. Enjoy the holiday weekend my friends.

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61 replies
  1. GulfCoastPirate says:

    I hope Manziel and the Gaggies get their clocks cleaned this year.

    Having said that, did you see the true freshman walk-on that Kingsbury pulled out in that Tech-SMU game last night? 400+ yards passing, 4 TD’s passing and another running. Maybe it wasn’t so much Manziel last year as it was his coach. We shall see but Kingsbury sure seems to find QB’s wherever he goes. I think he’s going to do well at Tech.

    Nice job with LR.

  3. Jim White says:

    I join with our friend GCP in wishing nothing but the worst for Johnny Crookball and his merry band of thieves.

    And as a Jayhawk, I’m laughing my ass off at the embarrassment in the Little Apple last night as K-State lost their opener–to North Dakota State. That’s the defending Big 12 (or however the hell many they are) champs, folks, losing to the Bisons.

    College football is starting at a good time, as my Rays may be in the process of fading out of contention. Of course, they might also be setting up a repeat of 2011 when they made an unbelievable run the last week of the season to make the playoffs.

    Gators get a warm-up (in more than one sense: http://www.emptywheel.net/2013/08/26/how-long-until-espn-brand-is-damaged-by-money-trumping-safety/) today with Toledo and then take on Miami next week. That game should tell us if Muschamp is making progress with his program.

    Let’s play some football!

  4. phred says:

    One… more… week… Off-seasons are a terrible thing.

    Speaking of which… (Apologies for an O/T rant). WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE THINKING?!?!?!?!!!!! Just read Gellman’s and Nakashima’s latest (http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/us-spy-agencies-mounted-231-offensive-cyber-operations-in-2011-documents-show/2013/08/30/d090a6ae-119e-11e3-b4cb-fd7ce041d814_story.html) in the WaPo.

    Not only are US taxpayers underwriting the creation of malware and offensive cyber weapons by our laughably called “intelligence” agencies, BUT WE’RE FUCKING PAYING FOR ITS DEVELOPMENT BY PRIVATEERS IN THE GREY MARKET. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

    How fabulous that we taxpayers are creating a profitable market for persons who want to profit off of cyber crime. The article notes how the US has come to believe that official hackers in China go home from the day job, to engage in a little private hacking at night in order to obtain secrets they can sell for profit. Hmmm, if it works in China, that business model will work anywhere.

    One of the useful tools our “intelligence” officials have developed is the ability to break a computer’s ability to do math. That is what the fucking things do: MATH. All of that math gets turned into videos, songs, emails, the global banking system, stock markets, newspapers, intelligence reports, and for some of us novel interesting research, that could all go poof IF WE CAN’T COUNT ON OUR FUCKING MACHINES TO DO FUCKING MATH.

    To say that I am irate is, as you may have noticed, an understatement.

    It’s time to create a separate internet. The NSA and all of their miserable criminal hacker chums can go play their paranoid delusional war games to their hearts’ content on the mess of an internet we have now. Meanwhile the rest of us, including non-criminal creative clever hackers who develop cool things, can move to a new internet where we can live and work in peace.

    In the US we have a constitutional right to be left the fuck alone. It’s right there in the 4th amendment… which reminds me… if that asshat lawyer from Microsoft wants to carry on about their constitutional right to tell the public what they are doing (I call bullshit by the way, that’s the last thing they want to do, they just want to reveal the shit that doesn’t make them look so bad), then I would respectfully request said lawyer keep reading to the 4th item on the list that says I have a right not to be spied on…

    End rant. (Sorry bmaz). Go Packers ; )

  5. JTMinIA says:

    The heat-wave broke, so the predicted two deaths at or after the game this afternoon in Iowa City probably won’t happen.

    More importantly:

    Love him or hate him, Ken Block (the American “hoonigan” who posts videos of himself all over the web) has been driving much more consistently this year and will probably be North American champion in rally. Antoine L’Estage and Nathalie Richards have had a season to forget. They won the first event in their own car, then rented their car to someone else for the rest of the season to pay for a retired WRC car from England. They crashed said quarter-million dollar car at their first event with it and had to dig out the car they used to win the championship about five years ago (a Hyundai Tiburon with the drivetrain from an Evo). This car broke on stage. So for the next event, they borrowed a Subaru. (This was sacrilege – as Antoine and Nathalie are Mitsu folks – but we understood their reasoning … their main sponsor needed for them to be on stage; no-one can see the car that you have in a garage.) This car also broke. To add insult to injury, the guy who rented the car that they used to win the first event actually managed to win a stage at the last event before lifting the head-gasket (i.e., blowing the engine).

    In the WRC, the rein of Sebastian Loeb is over. Say hello to really boring (but really fast) Volkswagons, as well as Ford Fiestas. Thanks, FIA. This whole 1.6 litre idea is working out just great. Plus, the FIA has said that they have no plans to ever allow active rear differentials, so my own car is useless.

  7. JohnT says:

    @Jim White:

    And as a Jayhawk, I’m laughing my ass off at the embarrassment in the Little Apple last night as K-State lost their opener–to North Dakota State. That’s the defending Big 12 (or however the hell many they are) champs, folks, losing to the Bisons.

    They’re no joke though. They prolly couldn’t beat a Florida or THE Ohio State, but don’t go to sleep on them. Any given Saturday right?

    One game jumps out at me, I don’t remember the year, it’s when I used to live relatively close to Fargo. And it brings to mind, what was one of the greatest plays hardly anyone ever saw.

    Anyway, the Bison were in a playoff game with the South Dakota Coyotes. And they ran the veer option (iirc the HC at the Univ of Houston at the time designed that offense) and Jeff Bentrim was the QB. They snapped the ball, Bentrim ran to the right edge, got past the LoS, was tripped up and had a good gain of 5 or 6 yards. But, before he hit the ground, as he was parallel, and horizontal about 6 inches above the ground – he pitched the ball to a trailing James Molstre for about a 70 yard TD

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnb1gnotLr8

    There’s no sound. But if there was, you’d recognize the play by play voice of Ed Schultz. Yea, that Ed Schultz. The MSNBC Ed Schultz.

    One of the greatest plays hardly anybody ever saw

  9. Saltinwound says:

    My friends who made music in LA in the late 60s say that there was a general consensus that the untouchable female voice was Linda, and the male vocalist they all envied was Harry Nilsson.

  14. Jim White says:

    @GulfCoastPirate: And furthermore, with all that cockfighting in the family background, how the hell did he NOT choose to play at South Carolina and BE a gamecock? With a guy who seems to understand grifting very well, the old Head Ball Coach, himself?

  15. bmaz says:

    Half wit. Half back. Half time. Heck, I hear Sarah Palin is a big Johnny Football fan too…because she only plays for half the game too.

  20. prostratedragon says:

    It must be said: there’s been a real bust-out of ballsacks around and about lately.

    [Withdraws hastily to the shadows]

  21. Peterr says:

    Conrad Dobler agrees with you, bmaz, about the Concussion Lawsuit:

    He knows why you want to hear from him, a former Pro Bowl lineman and one of the most prominent advocates for former NFL players suffering lifelong health problems. Knows that his is a voice that needs to be heard.

    He also knows that many might be expecting a different message after the NFL agreed Thursday to spend $765 million to settle a lawsuit from more than 4,500 former athletes who claimed the league didn’t disclose the danger of head injuries — what became known in football circles as The Concussion Lawsuit.

    “I think it’s a great victory,” says Dobler, who lives and works in the Kansas City area. “It’s a great victory for the law firm that’s going to get 30 or 40 percent.”

  22. Peterr says:

    @Jim White: Bravely spoken, for a Jayhawk. As ESPN noted, the Bison have been the FCS champs for the last two years, and in the past three years they’ve beaten Minnesota, Colorado State, and . . . wait for it . . . Kansas.

  23. Peterr says:

    Rice marches 95 yards in their opening drive against the Johnny Football-less Aggies.

    Gotta love it.

    And would love it even more if Rice hands the Aggies their heads.

  25. emptywheel says:

    @bmaz: Baby Jesus and BillBel never had business being on the same team anyway.

    What are the chances that Tebow’s last NFL pass ever will be a pretty sharp pass for a TD, as his last one Thursday was?

  27. charley mann says:

    Linda was the girlfriend of our dreams, special dreams. To see her perform live was to have your breath taken away. Never heard a woman sing like that before or since.

  29. Valley Girl says:

    @JohnT:

    That is the best summary of the condition I’ve seen. And, fits to a T. I concluded early on (sometime in the 2007-8 pres. campaign) that he was a fraud. (Not that I supported HC). I think people who’ve never dealt with a sociopath up close and personal have a hard time wrapping their minds around the concept. My Ph.D. supervisor was sociopath. Obviously not everything on the list (summary you linked) applies to every sociopath, but it’s a pretty clear pattern once you recognize it.

    I like this note from your link:
    In the 1830’s this disorder was called “moral insanity.”

  32. Valley Girl says:

    @JohnT:

    And, onto a sports topic, though I suppose baseball is passe, now that football is starting, you follow MLB? (I kinda think so, irrc)

  34. bmaz says:

    @charley mann: Charley, welcome to Emptywheel. If you have been before and I didn’t see it, sorry; but you are here now and please join us often.

    Linda – boy howdy are you right. I got the chance to be around her a little one night when she and her band were pretty much the main entertainment at a large private party at the Colony where she lived. I was spending the summer in Santa Monica and my best friend there had parents who owned a house a few doors down from Linda (rented it out to Led Zeppelin much of that summer) so we could get in with Bob’s gate access badge. I talked to her a little about growing up in Arizona and whatnot. What a sweet and nice person. And beautiful beyond description (think white bikini all night). Girl of our dreams back then may have been an understatement. But she was so fun and unpretentious; just genuinely nice.

  35. Jim White says:

    Gators win! Didn’t quite beat the margin, but they did have one TD called back and were inside the 5 when the game ended.

    Take that, Herbstreit. Apparently he was sure the Gators would go down to Toledo’s superior offense. Which didn’t score a touchdown…

  36. emptywheel says:

    Dunno why bmaz has been wailing on Twitter abt my absence here (nevermind my earlier comments about the bobbly Buckeyes). My game just started.

    The Wolvies and Sparties need to be careful abt scheduling CMU and WMU for these first games. Don’t they know last year’s top draft pick was a CMU grad?

  39. JTMinIA says:

    @Bay State Librul: +1

    He has the attributes of someone who is dying for the approval of those he sees as “above” him (can you say “daddy issues”?), which many non-experts confuse with sociopathy.

  40. Peterr says:

    The Fighting Journalists will take down the Berkeley Bears. Pat Fitzgerald is undefeated in season openers, and that run will not change tonight.

  48. JohnT says:

    @Valley Girl:

    1) Twins
    1a) Giants
    1c) A’s

    2) Anybody but the Evil Empire (yankees)

    1 trillion) an amateur team with Idi Amin, Pol Pot, Stalin, Hitler, George Bush, DiFi, Tom Delay, Robin Thicke (his son? God the Canadians must really hate us), and Billie Ray Cyrus for his singing career and having a daughter that prompts us to find out what twerking means

    1 trillion and one) Anybody but the Yankees

  50. phred says:

    @par4: For the first time ever, I’ve missed the entire pre-season and will miss the first week of the season, too. Maybe by the time I get a chance to see a game, they will have hit their stride ; )

  51. Peterr says:

    @JohnT: All under a completely different coach.

    But if you’re going to trot out matchups, the Fighting Journalists are undefeated against Cal. Granted, it’s 1-0, with the 1 win being the 1949 Rose Bowl . . . but still.

  52. phred says:

    @JohnT: “and having a daughter that prompts us to find out what twerking means”

    LOL, I had to google that. After I did, I left it at the headline ; )

  53. JohnT says:

    BTW, in case I’m on the road while the game’s on (back in the land of sun and fun, for a day)

    Nevada UCLA should be pretty entertaining. The Bruins are the better team in the southland, and I think they’ll be as good this year as they were last year. And the Wolfpack is gonna surprise some people. They have a new coach (Ault is with the KC Chefs) but the offensive coordinator is the same, and their QB Cody Fajardo could very well be Colin Kaepernick 2.0

  54. GulfCoastPirate says:

    Did Manziel give Sumlin the brush off on the way back to the bench after his penalty? I guess we know now who runs that team.

  55. bmaz says:

    @GulfCoastPirate: No, but he did sign a fake Heisman bust with this “Coach, love ya. Mean it. Seriously though, that was as close to the big time as you are evah gonna get”. Love Manziel #2

  56. joanneleon says:

    Well, after this season, I think it will be time to retire from watching Rutgers football. I’ll do some more weekend stints watching my son on their winning debate team.

    Good god. Look at October and November.
    —————-
    Here is its 2014 schedule in its entirety:
    Aug. 30: TBA
    Sept. 6: Howard
    Sept. 13: Penn State
    Sept. 20: at Navy
    Sept. 27: Tulane
    Oct. 4: Michigan
    Oct. 18: at Ohio State
    Oct. 25: at Nebraska
    Nov. 1: Wisconsin
    Nov. 15: Indiana
    Nov. 22: at Michigan State
    Nov. 29: at Maryland
    —————

  60. GulfCoastPirate says:

    @bmaz: I hear Summy isn’t very happy with the shenanigans. Normally, Summy would do a suspension for that type of thing but we shall see …

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