Premature NFL Trash Talk Under Duress

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Are y’all paying attention to that Twitter widget thingy lodged on our blog on the right hand side? Well do ya? If so, then you have seen the oppressive brutality with which the otherwise demure Empthwheel has demanded pre-season Trash Talk.

I get no respect I tell ya.

So, here we are. Of course, all the cool talk is about the Patriots and Tim Tebow….WAIT….WHAT?….that’s not really the story?? Oh my, turns out there is MUHDERRRRR bout the ‘ole Foxborough and baby Jesus ain’t even close to the main story. Go figure?! And, this time, the OJ of the moment is juicing his fans with mash notes of innocence. Yippy-yi-o-cay-yay.

Alright. Okay. Let’s do some serious trash talking, mmmkay? And I ain’t messin around here. I think people in Gainesville know where this is pointed and I DEMAND response!

Q: What does a Saint, a Racist, and a Murderer have in common?

A: Urban Meyer and the Gators.

Boom!

I would say some phony smart bunk about the teams (seriously, Peyton Manning’s arm is growing stronger by the day and Donkos Rule!) but, hey, it is preseason and not a lick of it matters. As Marcy said, this is a test drive to see who of the normal Wheelhouse pit crew is still in the mix and what kind of chops the new recruits have. Represent people.

Oh, one last matter: The F1 Circus is off grid until the Belgian Grand Prix on August 23-25.

Oh well, it’s been a good day here in the hell of the desert. Turn it up and splay your opinions out here for all to see – on everything. Let’s rock.

67 replies
  2. Jim White says:

    Now that’s just a low blow. I’ve made no secret that I despise Meyer and the way he coddled his ruffians. Gainesville is entirely wholesome now, honest. I mean this year’s “scandal” is a linebacker getting arrested for barking at a police dog. (Please pay no attention to the fact this was around 3 am at the site in town that has the highest rate of police calls by a longshot…). That’s nothing compared to Cooper and Hernandez.

    And did you forget this about your cheesy idol: http://www.newsday.com/sports/football/brett-favre-sexting-suit-settled-in-nyc-1.5334742

    By the way, I’ve already posited on Twitter that Meyer won’t last through the tenth game of this season before he has another “health crisis”.

  8. bmaz says:

    @P J Evans: Naw, that didn’t happen; but I did see the coyotes in the gulch across the way salivating wontonly at me. Which, at my age, I guess I should be flattered by.

  9. emptywheel says:

    And how did our rusty trasher forget to mention it is Tom Brady’s birthday today?

    Trying to figure out how to wrap these two Tight Ends I bought him, but they won’t stay still.

  10. emptywheel says:

    Meanwhile Adam Shefter posted this as the most under the radar off season story, on whether Carson Palmer and Bruce Arians might be a winning combo.

    Not a peep from our rusty trasher.

    Then again, if I were in AZ I would assume all USC QBs are duds, too.

  11. Jim White says:

    I also can’t help noting that even though a certain prickly guy went to great lengths to debunk the allegations of PED use against a certain pitcher, he is silent as we approach what could be a lifetime ban for A-Rod and long suspensions for several other players in light of evidence that so far has already seen one major player fold and not fight suspension.

  12. What Constitution? says:

    I feel strangely obligated to say something on the order of “how ’bout that Mike Trout” but his team isn’t on any radar screen and there’s this Cabrera guy distantly out in front….

  13. Stag Party Palin says:

    The unkindest cut of all for Aaron Hernandez:

    “Panini America, a sports memorabilia and trading card company, removed stickers of Hernandez from approximately 500,000 sticker books which had yet to be sent to collectors and replaced the stickers, as well as trading cards, with cards depicting Tim Tebow.”

  14. bmaz says:

    @emptywheel: If you can just keep said tight ends out of mosh pits and jail, that is good enough for Tom Brady.

    @emptywheel: Uh, USC quarterbacks ARE all duds! That said, Palmer is the best QB the Cards have had since Kurt Warner. Speaking of which, I still maintain that, on top of the numbers, victories and Super Bowls he accomplished with the Rams, getting the freaking Cardinals to the Super Bowl and nearly winning it should get Kurt Warner in the Hall of Fame. With a late start to his career, and walking away a couple of years before he had to, Warner did not have the longest career, but it was awfully impressive. It has been pretty quiet here about Arians and the Cards, not a lot of chatter. I think they will be improved, but tough division with Niners, Squawks and improved Rams. Tough road. If the defense is as good as it has been last couple of years, and the offense is substantially improved, they have a shot though.

  15. bmaz says:

    @Jim White: Well, the difference is that Clemens and Bonds were both criminal prosecutions and involved an investigatory background I had some familiarity with from other lawyers, and disgust for (Hi Jeff Novitsky, how ya doin!), so I had big interest in them. I am far less interested in the CBA machinations and am not an ARod fan, so just kind of watch from the sidelines. Watching the Yankees and ARod feud is kind of fun though. They deserve each other. And they HAVE each other!

  16. Peterr says:

    If so, then you have seen the oppressive brutality with which the otherwise demure Empthwheel has demanded pre-season Trash Talk.

    Maybe if you learned to spell the owner’s name right it would help.

    [I strongly suspect the assistant basketball coaches at Duke began the whole “Coach K” thing years ago to save themselves a whole lot of grief about spelling.]

  17. Peterr says:

    LeBron James to the NFL?

    I’m trying to imagine Jerry Jones putting together a trade deal with the Heat. “OK, you give us LeBron, and we’ll give you three cheerleaders. No? OK, how about four cheerleaders, and a linebacker? You need some defensive help in the middle . . . “

  18. Peterr says:

    Here in KC, the Chefs fans appear to fall into two camps.

    (1) “Yes, Andy Reid is nice, but I’ve been burned too often to get my hopes up”
    (2) “Andy Reid! Alex Smith!! Super Bowl, here we come!!!”

    I find watching Chefs fans to be much more entertaining than watching the Chefs themselves.

    Give me Sporting KC any day!

  20. bmaz says:

    @Peterr: Well Potorr, I suppose you are right!

    As to the Chefs, they strike me as very much like the Cardinals…good defenses with a new coach and QB that are welcome stabilizing influences and bring solid hope. KC may well have a better O-Line than the Cards though and play in an overall weaker division. I think it will be pretty interesting. Also think Alex Smith and Reid may be a brilliant pairing.

  21. bmaz says:

    Okay, couple of observations: The “new recruits” are SERIOUSLY lacking in participatory skillz.

    Apparently it is not just Trash Talk’s author that is rusty, there are a lot of slowheads not getting with the program here (“cough” people in the state with a city in BK).

    When the most skillful football voice comes from the house of the holy in KC, I’m a wondering just what the hell is going on here?

  24. scribe says:

    I just want to know if Brady is going to get is hair done like Bieber again. That do, on the cover of the supermarket magazines, would really be problematic under a helmet though it might pass for a helmet all by itself.

  37. phred says:

    @posaune: Given what John Henry has done for the Sox, it is with relief that I see him wresting the Glob from the clutches of the NYT.

  38. phred says:

    @JohnT: Maybe he thought the NSA was in cahoots with the ump ; )

    By the way, love your “Packer training camp” video… Too bad the Vikes can’t play that game, pointy horns and inflatable balls don’t mix ; )

  40. Bay State Librul says:

    Shoeless Joe never signed that confession.
    Pistol Pete never played the ponies and booked MLB bets.
    Brian Mac never stuck a needle up Roger’s arse.
    Biogenesis is a mom and pop operation helping folks live longer.
    You think our legal system with expensive high powered lawyers lets liars and cheats game the system.

  42. What Constitution? says:

    @Peterr: Well, er, um, I guess you got me there. Tried to formulate a witty and snappy response, but, you know, how the hell did someone end up calling it “football” here? Perhaps it has something to do with American Exceptionalism. Maybe it’s because the games usually come down to a time-expiring kick by some European football player. Maybe the guys who first wrote it down had played too many games without helmets. Consulted Wikipedia and Google, and the sheer volume of clueless speculation out there tends to confirm the “no helmet” suspicion.

  43. emptywheel says:

    @JohnT: Saw that. Makes me sad. He kicked our ass badly once, but I’d like to see him succeed in the pros, especially in what is increasingly a post-running back era.

  52. Peterr says:

    @emptywheel: Johnny Football could find himself a guy without a sport for a couple of years if he gets punted by the NCAA.

    NFL draft eligibility rules say you have to be at least three years removed from high school to enter the draft.

  53. bmaz says:

    @Peterr: Not to mention, not every quarterback the height of Kurt Warner or Russell Wilson can really play in the NFL. Not sure whether Manziel can.

  55. Jim White says:

    By the way, bmaz, I hope you make it out to your local ballpark Tuesday or Wednesday to see a REAL team in action. They will be in the Visitors’ dugout…

  63. phred says:

    @JohnT: That was brilliant! Mashing up my favorite scene from the Holy Grail with the new Star Trek — trash talk just doesn’t get any better than that ; )

  65. scribe says:

    @Peterr: There’s always the CFL.

    Funny, my sausage fingers made that comment originally come out “CDL”, as in Commercial Driver’s License. Might do young Johnny Football some good to see how the other half lives. Not that it will happen, of course.

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