The penultimate week to the regular season schedule in the National Favre League is upon us and, as many of you have already discovered, the hostess’s team is playing the janitor’s team. Yep, bmaz’s Arizona Cardinals (I don’t really claim the losers, but they are my home team) are visiting Marcy’s gridiron heroes, the Patriots. Apparently there are other games being played too. But, before we get to that….
Did you know that Brett Favre got more votes in Minnesota than Coleman and Franken? Yep, it is true. Has to be true, I saw it on that whiz kid Nate Silver’s site, and the dude has been right on about everything else. Nate says Brett cleaned out teh "Lizard People" too (I guess that means he beat Richard Shelby, Bob Corkass and friends, the "lizard liars"). Okay, so it was for President that Favre beat Coleman and Franken, and it was just a write in, but Brett Favre kicked their ass! Just like he is gonna do to the Seahawks Sunday!
Well, now that we have covered the Minnesota Election Trash, let us get back in our normal groove. By popular request, this week’s musical selection is from The Tubes, a pretty cool two song set (Prime Time and TV Is King) from some German TeeVee show patterned after American Bandstand or something. In their prime, The Tubes were an outrageously good band and put on a wild live show.
And now, for the games.
NATIONAL FAVRE LEAGUE: Well, as previously mentioned, there appears to be an American football contest going on up in New England. And, yes, EW is already beating me and the hapless Cardinals down. Go figure. Listen, first off, I didn’t pick these losers, they came here against my will. I actually participated in an effort to beg Jerry Colangelo, then owner of the Suns (later the Diamondbacks too) to start an expansion team here. But nooooo, the pissant Cardinals wanted a new stadium in St. Louis and was using Phoenix as leverage to get it. The fuckers in St. Louis called their bluff and they freaking moved here. Arrrggghhh! Oh well, they are all mine now. Lucky me. The Patriots, on the other hand, since the turn of the century, have turned into Lombardi’s Packers. They are big, bad, ruthless and good.
The Cards have no running game, rely on a precision passing attack featuring an ancient, fragile Kurt Warner who has small hands and can’t throw with a glove on. New England is not currently particularly balmy; you do the math, it ain’t looking real good. Oh, and the Cards have already clinched the National Conference West and didn’t even bother to mail it in last week against the Vikes. The Pats have Kevin Faulk, the Law Firm, Matt Cassel, Randy Moss and Wes Welker. Oh yeah, and Marcy is already promising that Richard Seymour is going to crush Warner. This isn’t good, Matt Leinart can’t even play in the sunshine, much less the tundra. Um, I may be lame, but I am not stupid; I am taking the Pats.
Ravens at ‘Boys: Well, the Cowboys sure dismantled Bad Eli and the Giants last week. Bad. Ray Lewis and the Ravens have a mean defense and Falcco has played well, but Dallas is playing for their lives and Tony Romeo, TO and Jason Witten got a taste of cohesive victory, and I think they will do it again. Chris McAllister being out for the season removes a shut down corner from the Ravens, and in this game, that is enough wiggle room for the ‘Boys.
Stillers at Oilers: Masaccio’s Titans, although still with only two losses, seem to be sliding fast enough that you would think they are Oily again. Big Ben and the Stillers just keep winning tough and ugly. But win they do. Albert Haynesworth is out. Albert is huge, and so is his loss. That is going to open enough running game for the Steelers to take a little more heat off of Roethlisberger than he has had lately. That is enough; Steelers roll the Titans in Tennessee.
Panthers at Gents: This is actually a huge game. Both teams are going to be in the playoffs, but this tilt is critical to seeding for home field. It is hard to pick against the Giants, especially at home. But the Panthers are on a roll and the Giants are not. Brandon Jacobs will play, but is hurt; D’Angelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart are not hurt and are flat out killing people. i am not sure about this, but I am prowling with the Black Cats.
Jets at Hawks: Bet you didn’t know this, this is the battle of the running Jones. Running backs Thomas Jones of the Jets and Julius Jones of the Seahawks are brothers (Julius is the younger). Thomas Jones has been money this year and you can run on the Hawks. Matt Hasselbeck is out, and Seattle will be QBd by Seneca Wallace from Iowa State, and he has played very well lately. But Seattle has squat for receivers other than Deon Branch, who is healthy now, but has had a slow, injury filled season. One wild card here is that it is Mike Holmgren’s last game in Seattle, so there will be that emotional aspect. The other wild card is that it will be inclement weather, may even snow; that favors the Jets I think. The Jets do not travel well to the west coast. Not at all. This game is a toss up because of the Holmgren factor.
Cheesers at Da Bears: The Monday Night Game is the age old black and blue Norse division tradition of the packers and the Bears at Soldier field. Bad weather. Snow. Cool, who could ask for more (unless, of course, it could be for Favre to be on the field here in a GB uniform where he belongs). Te Pack have terribly underachieved this year. Aaron Rodgers has played very well actually, but they really miss the swagger that left with Number 4. Bad. Based on the records, and where the game is played, you would think Da Bears will win. That is what you would think; me, I’ll take the Cheeseheads.
Brownies over the Bengals (man do they suck). Saints send the Lions to 0-15. Fish over the Chiefs, but I don’t feel great on this one, Chiefs could upset. Niners at Rams, who the hell cares, I guess one of them has to win. Bolts at Bucs; eh, I think the Frightening Bolts streak is over; Buccos carve em up. Broncs beat the Bison, and the Texans clock the Raiduhs. Iggles claw the Skins (can Zorn keep his job with quick draw Snyder?). And last, but not least, the Vikes beat the Dirty Birds in Minnehonka. Gotta love the Falcons, but they are fading now.
That is the run down for this week. Mix a toddy and get yer picks in. Oh, and trash it up!