After losing a slew of dictator-connected advisors in the last week, the McCain campaign has finally decided it might be a good idea to vet the people hanging out with John McCain.

McCain campaign manager Rick Davis moved to avoid a recurrence of the situation with his conflict-of-interest policy, released late yesterday. It also sought to stem the impression that McCain’s campaign is run by lobbyists — a characterization Democrats have tried to make since it was reported that a senior adviser, Charlie Black, made lobbying calls from McCain’s signature bus, the Straight Talk Express. Davis himself is currently on leave from his lobbying and consulting firm, and the campaign removed two other officials this week for work they’d done on behalf of Burmese junta.

[snip]

The memo establishes a new vetting process, requiring campaign aides to fill out a questionnaire on their status and to provide proof to the campaign legal department that they’ve terminated outside contracts.

In an show of civic responsibility, Progressive Media USA has filled out the forms for five of McCain’s top advisors. Here, for example, is part of Charlie Black’s now-completed survey:

McCain Staff Lobbyist Survey

NAME: Charlie Black

CAMPAIGN ROLE: Senior Political Adviser

Have you ever registered as a federal lobbyist?
Yes

Have you ever been a registered foreign agent?
Yes

Please list all of the foreign governments, political and other interests you lobbied for:
Jonas Savimbi (leader of UNITA rebels in Angola)

[snip]

Government of Zaire

Please list any clients you think could potentially cause a conflict of interest for the McCain Campaign:
Yukos Oil
Philip Morris
JP Morgan
Johnson & Johnson
G-Tech
United Technologies
Washington Mutual Bank
U.S. Smokeless Tobacco
Occidental Petroleum Group
Accenture
Fluor
AT&T
Lincoln Group
Lockheed Martin
National Association of Mortgage Brokers
Ocean Duke Corp.
SAP America

Please list the times you have lobbied Senator McCain or his office:
NOT DISCLOSED

See how helpful that is? Transparency is a wonderful thing.

Only, McCain’s campaign forgot to ask for disclosure from one additional source of conflicts of interest. So, out of my own sense of civic responsibility, I’ve started to fill out the very special survey the campaign forgot:

McCain Staff Lobbyist Survey

NAME: Cindy McCain

CAMPAIGN ROLE: Sugar Momma

List Total Net Worth
$100,000,000

Please list all campaign donations provided that have not been fully reimbursed:

Six months of flights on the Sugar Momma Express
One large barbecue at my Sedona "ranch"

(More to come as "the base" requires it)

Please list all past or present investments that directly undermine a stated McCain campaign promise:
American Funds Europacific Growth fund
American Funds Capital World Growth and Income

(others to be filled in after the AP discovers them)

Please list all business partnerships with corrupt owners of savings &loans, mortgage banking firms, or other financial institutions for which Senator McCain has done legislative favors:

Charles Keating

(others to be filled in after the AP discovers them)

Please list all business partnerships with business owners that have or will be bailed out at taxpayer expense:

Charles Keating

(others to be filled in after the AP discovers them)

Please list any products you sell that offend the cultural sensitivies of a significant portion of the Republican base:

Alcohol

Wait. This isn’t working. There are just too many potential conflicts to fit into one simple survey. There must be an easier way of vetting the Sugar Momma‘s improper conflicts.

Thankfully there is, though it’s an invention of evil big government. For easy vetting and disclosure, the McCain camp might want to try this.